Behind Blue Eyes
by CrystalMichelle
Summary: Jasper has hidden who he truly is from everyone most of his life. That is until one man comes along who seems to see right through him. Slash J/E Eventual lemons
1. To be fated to telling only lies

AN: Ok, so I am re-uploading the chapters I have already published. They are being beta-d by DreamingPoet1988. She has been a real big help and you should definitely go check out her stories :)

Chapter 1 - To be fated to telling only lies

2002 JPOV

Geez, I wish coach would let up on us. It's so fucking hot outside, my gym clothes are soaked through. We have been running sprints the entire period. I don't think I can run anymore, my legs feel like they are about to give out on me. Coach finally blows the whistle, thank God he is letting us back inside. There is just enough time for a quick shower before I have to go to my next class.

A few guys ran ahead, so by the time I walk in they are already in some of the showers. I head to my locker and grab my clean clothes and a towel. After closing and locking it, I turn around to head toward the showers. My friend Alec is leaving one of the stalls and I stop so he can pass. For 16 years old, this kid is pretty fit. His short black hair is damp and sticking out in all directions after the towel running through it, but a few drops of water are making their way down his long neck. I watch them as they go further, across his collarbone, down his tanned chest, and past his abs where they get absorbed by a towel wrapped low around his waist.

This breaks my stare; he's passed me and at his locker now. What just happened? I look down and notice I am hard as a rock. What the fuck? Did I just get turned on from looking at a guy? No way. I am straight; I must have been thinking about something else and didn't realize it. Shaking my head, I hurry into the shower stall and wash off; completely ignoring my dick and hoping no one noticed it. It's gone by the time I get out, dry off, and get dressed. I head back to my locker to put my stuff up and hear the bell ring signaling the end of the period.

My next class is AP American History. I'm trying to take as many Advanced Placement classes as I can. I am only 15 and should be able to graduate next year. I've been looking at some Universities already, and think I may go to Washington with my sister, Rosalie, who will graduate next year.

I go in and take my normal seat in the middle of the class. I'm flipping through the section we are covering today on the civil war when a person passes and drops something by the desk in front of me. My eyes glance up just as Alec is bending over to pick up whatever he had dropped. His dark blue jeans stretch tight across his ass, showing off how firm and round it is. He stands back up straight and I notice he is wearing a fairly tight black shirt that clings to his shoulders and arms, but it has ridden up in the back a little, since he bent over, giving me a small peek at the smooth skin of his lower back. He is tanned, but it still stands out against the black. He sits down in front of me and I snap out of the haze I was in.

What the hell? I was checking him out, and I'm hard again. This can't be right… I'm not gay. I can't be! What if my family finds out? They will hate me. Father will disown me and my momma will cry. I couldn't handle the looks of disgust they would give me. Snap out of it Whitlock…. I. Am. Not. Gay.

_**1 Week Later**_

I have tried everything…Thinking about girls in a billion sexual positions, thinking about touching them and fucking them. That doesn't work so I revert to porn, and I get hard. But wait… my eyes kept watching the men. Watching their hard dicks thrust in and out of their partner. FUCK! Frustrated, I switched to girl on girl porn in hopes that without the men something would happen…. Nope. My hard on went away pretty quickly.

How have I not realized this before? I never liked any of the girls I knew, but I thought it was just them. They seem so, fake and were never attractive to me. I had never really noticed anyone for that matter in a sexual way. That was the case until last week in the gym. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I'm just glad I wear jeans, so they can hide the boner I have in my pants almost every day at school. But it's not just Alec; I'm noticing a lot of the guys seem attractive to me now. My eyes seem to linger on plump butts, wide shoulders, tight jeans, and strong arms.

I get so embarrassed when I'm hard at school. I feel like everyone can see it and is making fun of me. But that isn't true. Alec doesn't seem weird around me, so I know he doesn't suspect anything. No one has changed how they act around me, except my sister Rosalie. She seems to be watching me more lately, but never says anything. _Maybe I can hide this, and pretend to be normal? Then no one will hate me and my family won't be disappointed in me._ I wish I wasn't gay, but there is no denying it now. I might be able to fool others, but there is no hiding from myself.

AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	2. I have hours, only lonely

Disclaimer – I own nothing, sadly.

Chapter 2 - I have hours, only lonely

Present 2011 – EPOV

I can't believe I did it. The hard work of eight years finally paid off. I am only 27 years old but my dissertation is complete, and I am now Dr. Edward Cullen. I've had a few offers from Universities across the country for me to teach different levels of Literature. I haven't made a decision yet and have plans to talk with my boyfriend, Carlisle, tonight about it.

We have been pretty serious for about two years now. He makes me happy and I'm comfortable with him. I could even love him one day. I am at the grocery store, picking up some stuff to make for dinner, I should be home before him and can have it ready for when he gets there. I think I'll make his favorite, chicken marsala and mashed potatoes.

I pull up to our apartment and notice his car in the lot. Oh well, I guess it won't be such a surprise anymore. As I'm unlocking the door I can hear Carlisle talking to someone. Maybe he is on the phone. I push the door open and what I see makes me drop the bags in my hand. He is naked on the couch, hovering over an equally naked WOMAN. His hair is damp and clinging to his forehead, his eyes closed as he dips down to kiss her passionately and whispers her name I guess, "Esme." He continues to pump in and out of her. Neither of them aware that I have opened the door or dropped my bags, until I finally let out a strangled gasp.

Carlisle jerks his head in my direction and I see the look of surprise on his face. _Oh he's surprised is he?_ My shock quickly turns to rage. I can feel my face heating up when I hear his strangled, "Edward." I look at him and see the apology in his eyes. "Save it, Carlisle, get the fuck out…Now!" I spit at him as I march down the hall into our bedroom and slam the door shut. I don't come out until I hear the apartment door close. Thank God he left without trying to talk to me; there is no going back from what I just saw.

I notice the grocery bags are on the counter. Damn him! God, I can't believe he cheated on me. He could at least have the decency to break up with me before screwing someone else. _How could I have not seen this coming?_ There had to have been signs. I wonder how long he's been fucking her. I run to the bathroom and just barely make it before I'm throwing up my lunch from earlier that day. It's not until I rinse out my mouth that I notice my vision is blurry, I've been crying, I'm so fucking pathetic.

Carlisle was the longest boyfriend I've ever had. I thought things were going fine between us. Normally I give up on relationships after a few months. I never felt like they were going anywhere. I wonder what made me stay with him for so long. Turns out that wasn't the best idea. Maybe I am just not meant to find that guy that is right for me. Maybe there is no one right for me. I need to get away from this place, this apartment, this city. I guess now that I don't need Carlisle's input on my decision for picking a University to teach at, I can get as far away from here as possible. Start fresh somewhere new, meet new people.

There's not much left for me here. I'm finished with school and don't have a job. I'm an only child and both my parents died about nine years ago in a car accident. The only family I have is my uncle Caius who lives in Italy. I have a few friends, but working on my doctorate has kept most of my time these last couple years. For the first time, my loneliness finally hits me. I have nothing here. There isn't even anyone for me to call to help me deal with what happened when I got home today. I go to the papers I have on the counter with job offers. I skim through them and one catches my eye. There is an opening at the University of Washington for a graduate level literature teacher. Well how much further can I get than Washington? I send Carlisle a text that just reads, "Moving to Washington, will be gone in a week. You can have the apartment. Have a nice life!" And with that, I call the University and get my new life started.

Present 2011 – JPOV

Today has been such a great day. I spent the morning hiking through some trails, stopped at a secluded waterfall to eat my lunch. And now I'm just sitting on a low, thick tree branch I came across that has a view over the side of the mountain I've been hiking through today. There is not much more I enjoy doing than hiking through these parks, surrounded by all this green and brown, the gentle sounds of the water as it falls into a pool of water below. It is so full of life, but so peaceful at the same time. There is no one here to judge, only creatures who thrive off the resources of the mountain. Sometimes, I like to bring my guitar with me, sit in a clearing I found of one of the trails and get lost in the music.

Today, however, I am just enjoying the view with the sun shining down over me. It's a beautiful day, warm with a blue, cloudless sky. The wind is blowing through the trees creating a song all their own and the birds singing as back up. I could stay out here forever, lost in the sounds and sights around me. _Beep. Beep. Beep._ Man, is it really time to go already? I hop down from my branch and head back down the path towards my truck. I had already started working my way back so it only takes me about ten minutes to reach it. I went a little further outside of Seattle to hike today, so I need to hurry to make it to the bar on time.

I've been playing down at the place my sister, Rosalie, works at for a few years now. She seems to think I'm pretty good and forced me to try playing at the bar when she started working there. There was no arguing with her. When she wanted something, she got it. And it's not like she ever asked me to do much for her, so I did it. Turns out, she was right. I got a great response and the bar owner, Emmett, asked me to start playing on a regular basis. I could use the extra cash at the time, so I accepted and started playing every weekend and some week nights depending on my school schedule.

It's about two week before school starts, so I haven't had a lot of time during this last week to play since I've been preparing the syllabus and some of the first lessons for my classes I'm teaching this semester at the University of Washington. I teach an undergraduate level American History class and a graduate level Civil War class. I'm not much of a social person, so I didn't know how teaching would go over for me. But I enjoy it; I don't have any problems being in front of the class teaching kids, even if they are close to my age. This will be my second year teaching at the University that I graduated from. I was a shoe in for the job, especially since my mentor is the director of the History department. I worked hard and finished my doctorate early and started teaching a year ago, at 24.

AN: Thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988! Next chapter they start the semester. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	3. No one knows what it's like

Disclaimer – I own nothing, sadly.

Chapter 3 – No one knows what it's like

Present – EPOV

I've been in Seattle a few weeks now, preparing for the classes I'm going to teach this semester. I have all upper level classes, one focusing on Edgar Allan Poe and one on Gender and Literature. So far I am enjoying this change in my life. Washington is a beautiful state and I have already gone hiking through some of the trials close to Seattle and walked down a beach and enjoyed the ocean. I have always found peace in looking out over a large body of water.

Back home I had Lake Michigan, but the ocean is much more cathartic. The sounds of the waves crashing to the shore seem to sooth my soul. I can sit on the beach and just look out over the water for hours and not even notice. The sounds and sights of the water creating a steady rhythm perfect for getting lost in thought. I've done my best thinking in those moments.

I've even thought a lot about what happened with Carlisle, and came to realize that the relationship wasn't as fine as I imagined. In the last few months, he had been coming home later and I didn't even notice. There were a couple weekends he had to go out of town on business trips that now I'm wondering if that's what they really were. But more than that, I can't remember the last time he looked at me like he wanted me. Like he wanted to tear my clothes off and lick me from head to toe, which he did quite a few times. I can't even remember when I wanted him that much.

I guess if I'm being honest with myself, the relationship was on the downfall. If I had paid more attention to him, maybe things would be working out differently. But that still doesn't make it right for that bastard to cheat on me. He could have been honest with me and not strung me around for what seems like must have been months at least. But that's the past now. I am moving on with my life and starting fresh.

Speaking of my new life… today was my first day as a professor. I was a bit nervous, but very excited about the material in my classes. I had two today that repeat on Wednesday and Friday, and cover the works of Edgar Allan Poe. Then two classes tomorrow that repeat on Thursday and they cover Gender and Literature. I love both subjects so my enthusiasm for them should help to engage the students. I started the classes with a reading of "A Dream within a Dream" one of my favorites and then asked each student what there favorite was and to do a small reading of it. I plan to use that to help determine which works we cover in the class. I think it will be more enjoyable for them if they get some say in what they study.

I have both classes in the morning, and then a break for lunch, and office hours after that. I was surprised to see a student already. She was very excited about the class and wanted to see what I had planned for the semester. But even with only two classes today and speaking with the student in my office, I am worn out and it's only 3:00. I head towards my apartment now that my office hours are up. I only live a couple miles from campus, in a fairly nice apartment complex, so it only takes a few minutes to get home.

I live on the second floor and take the stairs up to my level, and turn to open the first door. My apartment is pretty normal, with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. I have a small kitchen but there is a bar looking out to the living room and makes it look bigger, plus gives me more counter space. I enjoyed decorating the place. I went with a dark blue theme, with brown to accent it. The colors are warm and soothing to me and that it exactly what I want to feel at home. I sit down on my brown leather couch and turn the T.V. on and notice that Psych is on so I leave it there. My eyes are getting kind of droopy and I lay my head on the fluffy blue accent pillow next to me…

Present – JPOV

Finally the semester has started. I look forward to the hours that I will spend in the classes and preparing for them. I get lost in the past, reading and researching. I'm teaching four classes this semester, two undergraduate American History classes and two graduate lever Civil War classes. They will be taking up my late mornings and early afternoons all week for the semester.

My two classes to day were the undergraduate level courses. They went fairly well, I gave out the syllabus and let the students know what I expect from them and what they can expect from the class. With it being a general education class, there weren't many students who seemed to be excited about the material. Hopefully the projects I have planned this semester will help engage them more.

But now that my classes are over, I can head back to my apartment. I live right across the street from the bar that my sister bartends at and I sing there on a regular basis. Thankfully I live on the first level, so I park right in front of my door and walk right in. My apartment is kind of small, with just the essentials. At least my bedroom is big enough to have a queen bed. I definitely like to have room when I sleep. The living room is big enough to have two couches and an entertainment center. I have a great stereo system. I haven't really done much with the place but I have a few pictures on the walls of that places I have hiked too. I try to bring some of that peaceful feeling back home with me.

Tonight is the first week night I will be able to play at the bar again in the last two weeks. I've been pretty busy prepping for my classes. Things should be better now that they have started. I really enjoy playing every chance I get. I am myself the most when I am singing. I can be me without letting the world know my secret, my shame. I'm just a lonely guy with a guitar, singing his heart out and no one seems to care as long as they enjoy the music I play.

These few hours, when I have nothing to do, seem to weigh me down emotionally. I plop down on my cushy green couch, lay my head against the back and close my eyes. With nothing keeping my mind occupied my loneliness creeps its way back in. I've never had anyone to turn to, to talk to about anything. But that is my own fault, I won't let them in. No one can know who I really am, they would hate me. Who wants to have a gay son, or best friend? I'm 24 and have never told anyone that I prefer men. That's not to say I haven't been with a man before, just no one I knew or anyone else would know. In my lowest of lows I travel to Portland and hit the clubs and pick up a quick fuck. I don't do it often, just when I am really depressed and need to feel something more real than what I am living.

I did meet a new teacher today, her name is Alice and she is the new Fashion Designs professor. She is pure spitfire in a tiny package and she managed to get a real smile out of me today. She is just barely five feet, with black and spiky pixie cut hair. I saw her in the campus restaurant, and when she saw me she just walked up to me and started to talk to me like she knew me. She was a bit to handle at first, but she convinced me to eat lunch with her and I am glad I did. It was nice to talk to someone, even though it was only about school. I try not to talk about my life or who I am. I don't want anyone to think I am gay. _Beep. Beep. Beep._ Wow, is it 7:30 already? Good, I can start getting ready and head to the bar to hangout before I play my music for a few hours.

AN: Beta'd by DreamingPoet1988. I've been getting a few reviews and glad to know that some of you are interested in it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	4. None of my pain woe can show through

Disclaimer – I own nothing, sadly.

Chapter 4 - None of my pain woe can show through

EPOV

It's been a long week, but I'm really enjoying my job. The campus and the kids are great and I already feel like I made the right decision to come here. Finally the weekends here and I need to relax, on my way home I notice a bar called _Emmett's _a few blocks from campus. It looks pretty laid back and I could use a drink, I think I'll come check it out later. First I want to get home and chill for a bit.

After I get out of my car, I go inside and head straight for the shower. It takes a few minutes to get hot enough but it is well worth the wait, the hot water pounding into my neck and shoulders feels amazing and I can already notice some of the tension slipping away. After my shower I see that it is still pretty early to go to the bar, so I head over to the bookshelf I have in my living room and pick out a book to read. I love to curl up on my couch and read for a couple hours when I have time.

Having spent so much time studying literature I have a great appreciate for the classics and modern novels, but my guilty pleasure are ones with romances in them. Not the raunchy books with half naked men on the cover, but well written ones where there is more to the story than just sex. I've never had a relationship with someone who made me feel the way the characters do and since I can't find someone for me I try to get as close to feeling those emotions as I can. Sometimes when I am feeling alone readings how I escape.

It's about 8:15 when I decide to put the book down and head to the bar. It's really not too far, so I decide to walk, since the air is pretty cool. It's a nice evening for a walk and I make it to the bar in about fifteen minutes. There are quite a few people here so I take a seat at the bar and order a beer from the bartender. She is extremely good looking, even preferring men I can still appreciate her beauty. She's tall, with long blond hair, kind of thinner but curvy in the right areas. "Here you go, sugar. My name is Rose. Just let me know when you need something."

I watch her as she walks towards the other end of the bar to help another patron. She seemed nice enough. Drinking my beer, I look around and take in the bar. It's pretty big, even though you can't tell from outside, with booths and tables filling the main area and the bar stretches along the left wall all the way to the back where there is an employees only door next to the stage platform. It looks like someone might be playing tonight since there was a microphone, stool, and guitar set up. I turn back to the bar and take another long pull from the beer.

I'm on my second bottle when I hear the sexiest voice, "The name's Jasper, and I'm gonna sing for a bit. Hope ya'll enjoy." I turn around and see the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. Even sitting on the stool I can tell he's tall, his blonde hair is slightly curly and reaches his chin. As he takes a minute to tune his guitar, it falls but doesn't block my view of his face. He has a sharp jaw with a hint of stubble that makes my mouth water and there's a crease in his brow that my fingers itch to smooth out.

He's wearing a bright blue cotton shirt that hugs his chest and arms, showing off his fit upper body. He definitely is more muscular than me, but not bulky looking. His legs are covered in dark blue denim jeans and the look is topped off with cowboy boots. Damn, he is sexy. Nothing, however, prepared me for when he started singing. It was so raw, just in the first few words I could feel his emotions, such pain and loneliness.

My heart hurts for this man I've never met before and I feel like I have to take that pain away. He still hasn't looked up from his guitar; actually it looks like his eyes are closed. He seems so collected on that stage, like he doesn't actually feel any of what he is singing. But his voice gives him away. He suddenly looks up and right at me. He never looses his place in the song, but I can see the change in his face, the confused look. He keeps looking at me for another thirty seconds and then quickly looks back to his guitar.

It doesn't escape me that he only looked at me, but more intriguing was the confused look on his face. I wonder what he was thinking. He plays for another forty-five minutes, during which he glances at me about three more times. I couldn't help but watch him the entire time, never even drinking from my beer at the bar. All my attention is on him and it is only broken when he walks through the employee door.

I turn back to the bar and order a cold beer to replace the warm one in front of me. Never has someone consumed my thoughts so much, even now with him out of sight I can think of nothing else. How his voice wraps around every word of every song, like his life is clinging to it and he lives through it. How his fingers glided up and down the neck of his guitar and his eyes would close when the songs got more emotional, but more that that, how my heart even still aches for him and my mind is full of only him.

I am brought out of my thoughts when I feel someone watching me. I look towards the feeling and see him watching me as he walks into the room and heads toward the stage. When he realizes I'm looking at him, he looks away and sets back up. He glances back again as he is starting his new set and that's when I know he is affected by me in some way. I need to talk to him, get to know him and I'm going to try when he is done for the night. He plays for about another hour, and it goes the same as before, with quick glances every once in a while and his heart wrenching singing. When he's finally done I quickly pay my tab so that I won't have a distraction when I try to talk to him. As he walks from the stage he seems to be heading straight for the door, looking down at the floor the whole time. Quickly I make my move.

JPOV

The first week of the semester is over and it went fine. I can already tell I'm going to have a few students in my undergraduate classes that won't do too well, however my graduate classes are full of kids excited to learn about the Civil War. But now it's time to go home and get ready to play at the bar.

When I get to _Emmett's_ I wave to Rose and head into the back room. There is a small couch and TV in there and I want to relax for a little before I have to go on stage. Emmett's watching a football game when I come in and I go sit next to him on the couch. He turns to me and punches me in the shoulder, "Hey man, how's it hanging?"

"Geez, do you have to hit me every time you see me? Any harder and I might not be able to play and will need to go on disability." I say and rub my shoulder to make him think it hurt.

"Ha ha ha, shut up pussy. I know you can handle it. Rose is your sister, remember. She hits harder than I do, and that shit hurts." Emmett laughs.

"Yea you would know. Maybe if you didn't act like a douche all the time your wife wouldn't slap you in the back of the head all of the time." That earns me another punch but then he laughs loudly and wiggles his eyebrows,

"That ain't the only thing she slaps." Too. Much. Information.

"Thanks Em, just the visual I needed. Shouldn't you get back to work before Rose kicks your ass for making her run the place herself?" He gets up to leave but stops at the door and says before he leaves

"Hey Jasper, shouldn't you get a life so Rose doesn't kick your ass for being a mope?" Dick. But he is right. Rose has been on me more lately about spending so much time alone. Honestly, if I didn't have her and Emmett, I would be completely alone. Just what I need, to think about how much my life sucks right before I sing for a bunch of people I don't know. Oh well, what's new? Nothing.

I have about fifteen minutes before I need to go out there, so I go through my set list one more time to make a couple changes with my new mood. I change the song I start with to _Behind Blue Eyes_ by The Who, and replace a few others with _Eleanor Rigby_ by The Beatles, _Mad World_ by Gary Jules, and _Little Lion Man_ by Mumford & Sons. The last song I change to is _Somewhere I Belong_, by Linkin Park.

When it's time, I head to the stage and give my introduction, which I hate. I wish I could just sit and start playing without talking to the whole place, but I deal. I am used to it by now. I make sure my guitar is tuned and start on my first song. I really missed this; with school this week I haven't had a chance since Monday to play. It feels really good to just sing my heart out, be close to letting people know the real me and what I feel.

This time feels different though, I feel kind of antsy, like someone is watching me. Although I am playing for a whole room, so it should make sense but this is different. I look up and without even thinking about where my eyes go and they lock right onto an angel. God he is gorgeous. And he is staring right back at me. He looks to be about my height, with a strong face. His hair is brown but the light shows there is a red tint to it and it looks disheveled, probably from him running his hand through it like he is doing right now.

Why am I thinking so much about this guy, especially here? I need to collect myself before someone sees me ogling him. I can't risk Rose or anyone I know, finding out that I like men and specifically the one at the bar. I quickly look back down and hope no one noticed, well except I know he did. But he was looking at me so intently, like he was trying to figure something out. I try to play the rest of my set and pretend he is not there. Unsuccessfully, I might add. I can't help but glance up at him a few more time while I play, but I never let my eyes linger for too long. He doesn't seem to be doing anything else; he looks like he hasn't moved at all.

When my set ends I high-tail it to the back room, God that was intense. I've never been so enamored with someone just by looking at them and it felt like his eyes were piercing into me the whole time. _I need to get out of here. How am I going to make it through another set?_ I try to calm down while I take my fifteen minute break. That face won't leave my thoughts alone. I can't help but imagine my finger tracing the lines of his jaw and neck. He has a nice long neck, great for licking. One more hour. One more hour and I can go home and hopefully forget about him.

I go back to the stage, but as soon as I open the door I can't help but look at him again. He is facing the bar, so I get another view of him. He is in a black shirt and tight blue jeans, both that show off his lean form. He turns back around and looks right at me so I turn and hurry up the stage. Damn, he is gorgeous, if only I had seen him in one of the clubs in Portland and not here. I look up at him again before I start and let my self imagine for about 1.2 seconds what it would be like to be happy and with him. Shaking my head I start the song.

As I continue my set, I still can't help but look at him a few more times. His attention never wavers, and my mind wonders if he… no I'm not going down that road. It could never work. That intense feeling never goes away though, and it is only less intense when I look back at him. I find it comforting though, I like him looking at me. I try to enjoy the rest of my set, and wonder what he's thinking. When I am done, I pack up quickly, once done I wave at Emmett and Rosalie and stalk towards the door and keep my eyes trained on the floor.

Suddenly, two shoes are blocking my view, and I realize my path also. I stop and look up to find out what is keeping me from my escape. An angel. Damn it! I couldn't see his eyes from the stage, but now that I can I gasp. They are beautiful, a brilliant green that reminds me of quite afternoons on the side of a mountain, peaceful and full of life. His skin is perfect, ivory and smooth. And his lips are pouty and pink. He is beautiful and everything I can't have. I realize we have both just stood here and stared at each other, and he hasn't said anything. I try to make my leave but he steps to the side in my way again and whispers, "Wait."

AN: So, they finally meet. What do ya'll think? Thanks for reading and reviewing, and a lot of thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988!


	5. To feel these feelings like I do

AN: Sorry I took a little longer to update. I'm going to try to have a new chapter every couple of day… just not as much time during the week for me to work on it :) Thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988 for being super fast and awesome. She is also a really great author, and you should go read her stories! I love them!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly.

Chapter 5 – To feel these feelings like I do

EPOV

Before he can get to close to the door, I step in front of him. He's looking down, so when he stops his head shoots up to look at who is blocking his path. As stunning as this man is, I don't know why I expected his eyes to be any different. They are a cerulean blue, and all the pain I could hear in his voice, I can see in his eyes. I can see straight to his soul, and it is so sad and beautiful, I could get lost in there all day. I would do as much if he didn't start walking away. I step to the side to block his path again, "Wait".

"Please, would you mind sitting with me and talking for a minute?" He just nods and follows me to a table nearby. We sit down and I ask him if he wants a drink. He stares at me wide eyed for a few seconds, "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." He is out the door before I even realize he left the table. No way can I let this man just go, so I take off after him. Stepping out of the bar, I see him across the street and run after him, "Jasper! Please… wait!"

"H… how do you know my name?" I can't help but smile at him. "You said your name when you came on stage to sing. Now, why are you running from me?"

He doesn't really answer my question, but just mumbles that he doesn't want to make a scene out on the street and invites me up to his apartment. As I walk through the door, I notice how the place reminds me of him. It is decorated to seem plain and normal, but there are little touches here and there that show me more. There are a few pictures of the mountains and woods that give off a peaceful feeling, and almost look like he may have taken them. His stereo system is decked out and his massive CD collection shows off his love of music.

As I'm skimming through his CD's I hear him sit on the couch, I look over at Jasper and see him hunched over with his head in his hands. I go sit next to him and he looks up at me. God, that pain… I just want to take it away. "I'm Edward, I just wanted to introduce myself… let you know that I really enjoyed listening to you tonight. You're really good."

He looks at me with disbelief, "If that's all that you wanted to tell me, then why make such an effort to talk to me? You could have said that when you stopped me in the bar. Why ask me to sit and talk, and have a drink?"

I don't know what to say to him. Should I be honest and tell him that I instantly felt connected to him, or leave it at that? I'm afraid if I tell him the truth I will scare him off, but I don't even know if I have a shot. I'm not positive yet that he's gay, although his interest was pretty obvious. Before I can even make a decision, he stops my train of thought and whispers, "I don't think I can do this." I don't really know what he is talking about or if I was meant to hear that, but I decide to not assume it means anything more.

"It's just talking, no harm in getting to know another person." He looks at me, as if trying to figure something out. He takes a few minutes and then nods his head and says "What did you want to talk about?" Yes! Ok, Edward… just take it slow.

The next hour we spend getting to know each other. It turns out that we're both professors, even though we've yet to see one another on campus. We talked a lot about music. I don't think Jasper noticed it happened but I could see his mask drop while he was talking about some of his favorite songs and why he enjoys playing. It came back up pretty quickly, but the glimpse I saw of the real him was beautiful and only strengthened my resolve to pursue him.

During our conversation, we seemed to have gravitated towards each other on the couch. We are both sitting on our legs and facing each other, knees just a couple of inches apart. I have been enjoying getting to know him, but I wonder why he would agree to this at all if there was no attraction. Maybe there is some hope after all.

When the conversation starts to taper off a little, I decided to be honest with him knowing that with as fragile as he seems to be, this may be my only chance to tell him. "Jasper, I'm…. I'm attracted to you. I feel drawn to you, there is something here and I think you feel it too. I haven't been able to stop thinking about… I mean I know it's only been a couple hours but I can't help but want to keep looking at you, listening to you. That was why I ran after you; I just couldn't let you go. Every fiber of my being told me to run after you, that what I was feeling was something special and that you were important."

JPOV

Damn it! I knew this was going to happen. This is why I wanted to get out of the bar as fast as possible. Why did he have to say it? Things were going fine with us just talking about everyday things and then he goes and drops the bomb. I have to look away from him, his face looks so hopeful. I wish I had some of that hope. I wish I could be that honest with him and tell him I feel the same way, but I can't take that kind of risk. I can't hide an entire relationship forever. Eventually someone will find out, and in any case that wouldn't be fair to Edward. No, this just can't possibly work.

"Edward, I don't think I can do this." I repeat my warning from before. His face falls a little bit, but I can still see some hope. He doesn't seem like the type to give up too easily. "I know how you feel. I have felt it all night. I could feel you when you were looking at me while I was playing. And even now I can feel you; it's like a constant buzz in my body that wasn't there before. I've never felt this connected to anyone before, but I just… I can't… I… I…." I shake my head and look down at my lap. I don't know what to tell him. How do I tell him that I've been in the closet for around nine years, that I can't tell my family because they will hate me but I don't want to loose them so I choose to hide instead?

I look back up to see him lost in thought. I wonder what he is thinking. Maybe he will be smart, give up and leave. It would be a lot easier on both of us. Suddenly, he looks back at me, those green eyes piercing right into mine, and asks, "Can I just try one thing?" I don't know what he has in mind, so I nod my head. With my confirmation, a beautiful smile lights up his face. If I thought he was an angel before, there is nothing more gorgeous than this. I hope I get to see him smile again, although that is only wishful thinking.

I am so dazzled by his smile that I don't notice him leaning into me until he is only a few inches from my face, his eyes darting back and forth between mine looking for a sign of panic. He won't find one, I don't think I have ever been more calm in my life, with him this close to me I am assaulted with his scent. It is a very earthy scent, and all man, it calms me like nothing ever has. He is intoxicating.

Finally, after what feels like minutes pass, his lips brush over mine ever so slightly. He pulls back just a little to look into my eyes. I guess he finds all the approval he needs, because he presses his lips to mine again a little harder. They are so soft and wet, his bottom lip fitting in between my lips perfectly. I close my eyes and just feel, for once in my life. His hands grab my shoulders and he pulls us closer together, gaining more leverage and kisses me harder. I don't even know how or when, but my hands are cupping his face and neck, and my thumb rubbing up and down the line of his jaw. Perfect, this kiss is just perfect. He is perfect. Too soon for my liking, Edward pulls away. I can feel a smile creeping onto my face and when I open my eyes, the angel is smiling again. It blinds my senses and the only thing I can think is that I want to kiss him again.

After about ten more seconds I come to my senses shaking my head I look away from Edward. How did I let things get this far? I am ruining everything I have protected for so long. I don't even realize I am crying until I feel Edward wipe away a tear. I close my eyes when I feel his warm thumb cross my cheek, sending tingles all over my body. God, what is he doing to me? I have never felt something this intense before. When I open my eyes and look back at him, that smile from before is gone and his face is back to that sad, hopeful look.

I stand up and start pacing the room. What have I done? What am I doing? I am ruining everything. What will Rose think if she finds out, what will my parents think? Oh God!

I feel myself being pulled back down to the couch. Edward has his hands on my shoulders and is doing that staring into my soul thing again. I can't handle it, this is too much. I shake off his hands and he pulls back a little. With sincere concern in his eyes he asks "What is it Jasper? What's wrong, why are you so conflicted?"

It would be so easy to just tell him everything and beg him to be my secret boyfriend. But that would be awful of me. I could never condemn someone to this life; it really is no life at all. I couldn't do that to Edward. He should have a real life with a man who can be with him and give him everything he deserves. I can't do that, I can't be that man.

I get up and walk to the door. Edward watches me the whole way. "I'm sorry Edward, I can't do this. I can't be the man you deserve." He gets up from the couch and walks over to me.

"But Jasper, I know you feel this too. I've waited my whole life to feel something this real. No one has ever made me feel the way I have in the last couple of hours I have been around you. I don't want to let this go, I just found you. Please don't give up, don't make me go."

I wish things were different. I wish I could tell my parents and sister that I am gay and they would still love me. I wish I could take this man in my arms and kiss all his worries away. But I'm not that lucky. "I'm sorry Edward, I'm so sorry. I can't do this! Please, please just go. This is killing me."

Apparently I have started crying again because Edward again wipes another tear. He looks so sad staring back at me. I hate that I am the cause, but he will thank me one day when he has long forgotten about me and happy with someone else and living a great life. I won't bring him down with me. He presses his lips to mine again softly and then pulls back and nods. "I'll go Jasper, for now." He looks in my eyes one last time and I see a new fire in them, but he's out the door before I can figure out what it means.

AN: Soooo what did you think? Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	6. And don't worry I'm not telling lies

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 6 – And don't worry I'm not telling lies

EPOV

After leaving Jasper's apartment, I decide to go back to the bar. It's getting pretty late, but I need a drink to help calm me down. I run back across the street and into the bar. I go back to my earlier seat and order a beer. Rose hands me my drink and asks, "Hey weren't you in here a while ago?"

"Yea, I left about an hour ago but needed another drink, so I came back." She looks at me kind of skeptically. I watch her while she thinks. I notice again how pretty she is. But this time her eyes catch my attention. They remind me of Jasper's without the pain hidden behind them. _Oh, Jasper. _I let out a sigh and look down at my beer. Before I can start thinking about how to get Jasper to talk to me again, the bartender interrupts, "Hey… weren't you talking to Jasper after his set? I thought I saw you run after him when he left. Is everything ok?"

Oh crap! I didn't even think that someone might be paying attention to us. With as guarded as he seems to be, I don't think many people know he is gay. I should try to watch what I say to others. "Um… yeah. I was telling him that I had enjoyed listening to him play, but he just kind of took off before I could. I ran after him so that I could introduce myself."

She chuckles lightly, "Yea that sounds like my brother. He's not the social type, that's for sure." I look at her in shock for a couple seconds and then an idea forms in my mind. I nod my headand she continues working, leaving me to my thoughts.

Maybe if I show Jasper that I'm not going anywhere but still give him time to think about things, then maybe he will come around. In the meantime, I can get to know Rose and maybe ask some subtle questions about Jasper. That was the one thing I noticed while we were talking earlier, he never seemed to share much about himself or his family. He stuck with topics like music and work and would dodge any personal questions I asked.

When Rose comes back towards my side of the bar I grab her attention. "What can I get you sweetie?" Wow, I can definitely see the family resemblance. She could almost be his twin. "Oh I'm fine actually, but I was wondering if you knew Jasper's schedule. I really enjoyed hearing him sing and would like to come back when he plays again." She smiles at me and grabs a paper from behind the bar, writes the schedule down and hands it to me. "Thanks Rose."

Now that I know when Jasper will be here, I can plan accordingly. I am feeling more hopeful that I can work this thing out with Jasper so I pay my tab and head out the door. It's gotten pretty cool, but I enjoy the walk home thinking of him the whole way. According to his schedule, he plays the whole weekend and about half of the following week. I plan to go to the bar every night that he plays. I realize it is kind of stalker-ish but I want him to see that I am there, that I haven't given up. I want him to know that I want him, no matter how long it takes or the struggles I may have to go through. Before I realize it I am in front of my building. By the time I make it inside and take my shoes off I am exhausted and go straight to bed.

_**The Next Night**_

I come to the bar a little earlier tonight to make sure I could get a spot at the bar close to the stage and talk to Rose a little. I know that once he gets here, he will have my full attention. I've learned a little about his sister in the last hour. She has been working here for about six years now. She had been working here for about six years, and started dating Emmett, the behemoth who owns the place. They were also married about three years ago.

I've asked her a couple questions about where she is from and her family to learn a little more about Jasper. I already found out that they were from Texas from the conversation Jasper and I had last night, but I learned that they lived on a farm in a small town outside of Houston. She also mentioned that it is just the two of them in Washington, and their parents are still back home.

Rose talks very fondly of her brother. She really likes to brag about how well he sings and that she knows it can be therapeutic for him. I also learned that he doesn't really have any friends and keeps to his self most of the time. She seems to care about him a great deal and hates to see him so down and out all the time.

"I don't even know why he is like this, ever since he was about 15 he has been closed up and doesn't let anyone in. I don't think he has ever had a relationship with anyone either. He is so alone, but won't let people get close to him. I'm probably the closest person to him, and I feel like I don't even know him. I just want him to be happy."

I don't really know how to respond to her. I want just as badly for himto be happy… with me. I choose not to say that since I don't want to out Jasper, after talking with Rose I can tell that she doesn't know. We talk a little more while she works and I tell her about my parents and that I just moved here from Chicago, leaving out the part about that jack ass I left behind. I'm in the middle of telling her about the classes I teach when I start feeling tingles travel up my spine.

My head jerks towards the door as Jasper walks through it, my conversation with Rose forgotten when I look at him. His mask is up, but I can see the shock in his bright blue eyes when he sees me. He continues walking looking at the ground while he heads to the back room. I watch him the whole way and have to fight to stay on my stool. My fingers itch to run through his blonde hair and my lips tingle with the memory of kissing him.

I turn back around when he is out of sight. Rose is looking back and forth between me and the door that Jasper just walked through. I see a smile slowly creep onto her face, and I can't help but smile back. I don't really know what she is thinking and she doesn't say anything as she gets back to work.

God, I hope this works. Even just being this close to him, knowing he is just behind that door has my body on edge. This feeling is worth anything I have to do to be with him, he is worth it. I hear the door open, and turn in my seat to see him setting up on stage. Before he starts playing he looks up at me and I can see the corner of his lips twitch. _Aww, he's happy I'm here_. Maybe this will work after all.

JPOV

_**The Night Before**_

When the door to my apartment closes and Edward is gone, I start crying earnestly. Sinking to my knees onto my floor floor, I bury my head in my hands. God that was hard, but what else could I do? It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I let it go any further. And what did he mean by _for now_?

My knees are starting to hurt so I wipe my tears away and get back up. I catch a whiff of his scent and I am assaulted with the memory of his kisses. It takes every ounce of restraint to not run out that door and into his arms. I slink over to the couch and lay down, letting him fill my mind. I can still feel his lips on mine, and his chest pressed against me. That had to have been the most perfect moment of my life. What if I made a mistake? Can I really let someone who makes me feel alive again get away? Maybe he would understand how I feel and still want to be with me. But could I really ask him to hide our relationship? Would I even be _able_ to? No, I made the right decision. He will be better off without me; I would only hold him back.

Now that I am thoroughly depressed I decide to try to get some sleep. I go to my room to get a pillow and sheet and head back to the couch. I can still smell him in the apartment and want to hold on to it as long as I can. I lay back down and focus on what's left of his scent, hoping it will help me sleep.

_**The Next Day**_

Sleeping on the couch was not a very good idea. I woke up with a crick in my neck that took forever to go away. It made me late for my lunch with Rose, and she bitched at me for it. That only lasted for a few minutes though, because she noticed I wasn't in a good mood.

"Jazzy, what's wrong? You look like crap, and I can tell that something is bothering you more than usual." She takes my hand in hers and sets it in her lap, rubbing circles in my palm. I wish she didn't love me so much, maybe then it would be easier to lie to her all the time. More than anyone else, I wish I didn't have to lie to her. I just don't want to disappoint her, I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have her and Emmett. "It's nothing sis, I'm just feeling kind of lonely lately. It will go away when school picks up and I get busier. You don't need to worry about me." She gives me that _Yeah Right_ look but then shakes her head thankfully drops the subject. "Well then, do you want to know why I asked you to have lunch with me today?" She's looking at me kind of expectantly.

"Not really, Rose. It's not the first time we've gone to lunch together, why would I think it was for anything else but to eat and talk?" An annoyed look crosses her face and she makes a _humph_ sound. It was kind of cute so I laughed a little at her. She must have been glad I was smiling, because her face brightened back up and she got all jumpy in her chair. "Well, I wanted to let you know that you were going to be an uncle. I'm pregnant!" I'm so excited; I pull her into a hug and kiss her cheek. "Holy shit, Rose, that's awesome."

We spend the rest of lunch talking about the baby. On our way out I tell her that I'm proud of her and love her. She means so much to me and I'm glad she is happy. I head to my truck to go back to my apartment; I still need to make the set list for tonight. When I get home, it is about 1:00. I have eight hours before I need to be on stage so there is plenty of time to make my list and practice for tonight.

I decide to look up some new songs to add to my collection. I play so often that I like to keep a good variety in my set list. I don't like to play the same songs everyday; just like I am sure the bar patrons don't want to here them all the time either. I have recently been listing to The Spill Canvas recently and decide to try a couple of their songs.

I spend the next few hours picking out songs to learn and then practicing them. I am trying out _Staplegunned _and _One Thing is For Sure._ I don't have them down quite yet, so I decide not to play them tonight. If I spend a few more hours this week practicing I should be able to play them by Friday.

The rest of my evening's spent watching TV, eating a small dinner, and trying not to think of Edward. When it is 8:45 I can't help the sigh of relief that escapes me. Just a few more minutes and I can loose myself playing for the next couple hours. I grab my guitar and hurry out the door and across the street.

When I walk inside I see Edward sitting at the bar again. I am shocked to say the least. I don't know why I expected him to not be here. He looks at me and I continue walking in but I keep my gaze down on the floor. I can't look in his eyes; I don't think I can resist him again. Even just passing him is hard. I want to run back to him and kiss him until we can't breathe. I make it to the back room without embarrassing myself and sit down on the couch to chill out for a minute before I have to spend the next few hours with Edward watching me play. To be honest, I am glad he is here. I feel like I am playing for him and enjoy being able to look up and see his beautiful face.

When 9:00 rolls around, I grab my guitar and head towards the stage. I have everything ready in about a minute and sit down. Before I start playing I glance at Edward and see that smile from last night again. He is just stunning and seeing him that happy makes me happy too. I can feel a smile tugging on my lips when I start playing and know that he is making me feel like this.

The next few hours fly by and are filled with small smiles and quick glances at Edward. Towards the end of my set, I look over at Rose and see a huge smile on her face. I don't know what has her so happy, but I'm glad she is. When I am through playing she comes to the stage and gives me a really big hug. _Man, these pregnancy hormones must be affecting her already._ I just chuckle and release her. She looks at me for another second and then leaves me to go back behind the bar.

Ok, here is the hard part. I have to walk past Edward to get out of the bar. I glance up real quick and find him facing the bar. While he isn't looking I head toward the door. I look back one more time when I reach it and see him watching me leave. He gives me a small smile, then nods and turns back to the bar. Well, that was weird. But I'm glad he is letting me leave. I don't think I could handle another night like last night. I turn back around and go to my apartment.

_**Friday**_

This has been a pretty intense week. I've had a bunch of essays to grade this week for my classes. I do enjoy teaching, but the thing I hate the most is reading the students essays. Rarely do I come across one that is well written and thought out. And then I had to explain to each student who came to my office hours why I gave them whatever grade they received.

I was able to escape from it by playing almost every night this week. I have almost gotten used to seeing Edward there every time. I don't understand why he keeps coming back, but I kind of enjoy it. The week has gone by uneventfully. I come in and play, and he watches me the whole time while I glance up at him every so often. Just knowing he is near me, and being able to see him and his beautiful smile all week has really changed my mood. I'm happier than I usually am. I even talked to that Alice girl again today during my lunch on campus.

I can't really explain why, him just being here has changed me, but what else could it be? He is the only thing new in my life, if it even counts as being in my life. He just sits at the bar and watches me. Sometimes I see him close his eyes and sing along if he really enjoys a song. I've even noticed that my song choices have altered. They are more upbeat and hopeful. I was able to practice those Spill Canvas songs and play them tonight too. The place seemed to enjoy them, and I noticed Edward singing along to them.

I've tried all week to squash these feelings I have for him. I just can't stop thinking about him. He consumes me. I even find myself looking forward to seeing him there each night. I don't know what to do anymore. I still don't think we can be together, but my resolve wavers with every smile I see on that angel.

After my set is over tonight, instead of taking off right away I go to the back room to talk to Rose. It's been about a week since we had a chance to talk and I check in to see how she is feeling and how they are adjusting. When I am through catching up with Rose, I head back out into the main part of the bar. I notice right away that Edward is gone. I wish I could have seen him one more time before I go home, but I don't have the right to wish for something like that.

When I walk outside, I hear my name being called from the right. I look over and see Edward leaning against the wall. He pushes himself off and walks toward me. He is wearing dark jeans, a white shirt and a black leather jacket. He looks so sexy walking towards me and I can feel my dick twitch. He notices I'm checking him out and smirks. That only makes him look sexier. Damn this man is going to be the death of me. "Jasper, can we talk?" I nod and motion towards my apartment. He walks ahead of me since he knows the way, and I get the chance to look at his ass. It looks superb in those jeans, all round and firm. I realize we've made it to my door when he stops and moves to the side so I can unlock it. I walk up to it and open it, the shift in air pulling his scent towards me and I can't take it anymore.

As soon as he has cleared the door, I close it and push him up against it. Before I realize what I am doing, I have my hands on his face and my lips pressed against his. After a moment of shock, he kisses me back and wraps his arms around my waist. When he pulls me against his body I feel his rock hard dick rub against mine. I finally realize what I did and pull away from him. "God, Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Please do not apologize for that. Don't ever say you're sorry for doing that." He says this with a smirk on his face. I can't believe I am not able to control myself better. I shake my head and lead him into the living room to sit down on the couch.

"What did you want to talk about, Edward?" I look at him and see so much hope in his eyes and a smile on his face. I love that the smile is because of me. He reaches over to take my hand in his and I let him. Everywhere that his skin touches mine I can feel a slight buzz. I smile at him while he looks down at our hands. He looks back up at me and I can see his eyes watering up.

"I wanted to talk to you, to see if you still felt the same… if you still didn't want to see where this could go. Jasper, I've never felt something this intense. I don't want to let it go. I've been in a few relationships, some better than others. But never has there been a connection this strong. I find it hard to be away from you, and I had to try one more time. This is the feeling I have been trying to find my entire life. I'm so lonely, Jas. I just want someone to love and who loves me." A tear falls down his cheek and I reach up with my other hand to wipe it away. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch.

I can't stand to see this angel so sad. I want to give him everything; I want to give him me. But he has to understand what being in a relationship with me would be like, the things he would have to sacrifice to be with me. I think it's time that I told him why I keep refusing him. Once he knows everything I will let him decide. I lean forward and brush my lips against his once… twice… then I pull back. His eyes are closed and he has a small smile on his face. I say his name to get his attention again.

"Edward, I want this too. I feel the connection and it's been hard for me to stay away from you, especially seeing you almost every night. You're so beautiful and I want to be able to call you mine. But before anything can happen between us, I need to tell you why I've been holding back."

AN: What did ya think? Thanks to DreamingPoet1988 for being my awesome beta!


	7. To be the sad man behind blue eyes

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

Chapter 7 - To be the sad man behind blue eyes

EPOV

I'm dreaming, right? Am I hearing him right, he wants me? A huge smile over takes my face and before he can change his mind I nod so that he will continue. I hear him gasp and he stares at me for a second. I think I see his eyes glaze over but just as soon the pain is back and he looks down. He takes his hand out of mine. He sits back and pulls his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He lets his head fall to the back of the couch, closes his eyes and sighs.

"No one knows I am gay. Well except a few guys in Portland, and you. I've been hiding who I am from everyone I've known since I was fifteen. Being raised in Texas, just outside of Houston, with a pretty religious family makes it hard on a boy who just realized he was gay. That sort of thing wasn't tolerated, so said my father anyways."

Listening to Jasper tell his story was breaking my heart. By now he was laying his head on his knees and facing me. He stopped for a moment and closed his eyes. A crease formed on his brow.

"I remember one day he and I went to Houston to buy some new plowing equipment for the farm. I was only fourteen at the time. We went to a hardware store to get what we needed and as we walked up to the door to go in, a couple walked by holding hands. It was two men, and they looked so happy together, like there was nothing else in the world but each other. What I remember most is what my father said when they were too far away to hear him. _Faggots. Did you see them Jasper? Two men together just isn't right. It's unnatural, an abomination. They will burn in hell for their sins._ I didn't understand how he could be right, how such obvious love could be wrong. But he was my father and I looked up to him. I believed everything he told me."

He opened his eyes and looked at me. I could see the pain from the memory, reliving the moment that has kept him in hiding for years.

"I didn't believe I was gay at first, writing it off as a fluke. I didn't _want_ to believe it so I tried everything to prove to myself that I was attracted to girls. Nothing worked. After I gave up and accepted that I only got it up for boys, I realized that I could never tell anyone. My family would hate me; no one would want to be around someone who was gay, a sinner. They would have abandoned me, kicked me out, and stopped loving me. All of my friends would have done the same thing. And being in such a small town, everyone would have found out."

At this point, tears start to fall and soak into his jeans. I scoot closer to him and start rubbing circles in his back, letting him know that I'm there and he continues.

"I never told anyone because I couldn't bear to loose my family. They are the only ones who love me and I couldn't bear to loose them. I was glad that I decided to go to UW for college. I hoped that being so far away from Texas would allow me to be more myself. I knew I still could never come out, not with Rose here too. If I had a relationship I would never be able to hide it from her. She knows me too well and would notice. I didn't have it in me to move somewhere else. I was already so far away from my parents, Rose was all I had. If she ever found out, I'm sure she would tell our parents and then I would have no one."

I continue to rub his back while he talks, hoping that it is comforting. I don't know much about his parents, but what I've learned about Rose this last week makes it hard to believe she would cast him out like he thinks she would. Rose loves him unconditionally and seems to only want him to be happy. Does he not see that?

"I've been so alone for so long, Edward. But I never thought that it was worth it to give up my family for relationships that probably wouldn't last anyways. Not that I gave anyone the chance to get close enough to me to have one. But you have been different. For the first time I've doubted my decision to hide and wondering if a relationship would be such a bad thing. I can't stop thinking about you, hoping that you keep coming to watch me play so I can see you again. I don't know how to explain the way I have been feeling lately, but I've never felt this way before and I'm not sure I am ready for it to go away."

I look at him when he is through talking. Behind those blue eyes I can still see so much pain, but in the furthest corner I catch a glimmer of hope. It's barely there, but it's enough.

JPOV

"Jasper, I don't want to let it go either. I think we could have something special, something real. We barely know each other and I feel more connected to you than anyone I've ever been with. Every relationship I have had seemed to be going nowhere. The one that ended right before I moved here left me feeling hopeless.

The man I was with cheated on me, with another woman. I realized later that it wouldn't have worked out anyways, but it still broke me and left me thinking that there was no one out there for me. But Jazz, this feeling that I have when I am with you has given me hope again. No one has consumed my thoughts like you have or made me feel the way I do. I don't want that to disappear and I'm afraid if I let you go I will never get it back."

My poor angel, so broken and alone. How did I not see it before? All this time I've been worried about how this will affect my life, I never saw what it would do to him. I want to be there for him, but I am still so afraid to loose my family. "Edward, I… I want to be with you. I'm just scared. I don't know if I can be who you want me to be. I don't think I would be able to go public with a relationship."

He looked away for a few moments, mulling something over in his mind. He looked back at me with more hope than I had seen in his beautiful green eyes so far. "What if we kept our relationship hidden for now? We could just hang out together as friends if we are out in public and keep the relationship at home. It would give us the chance to see if this is real and if we want to pursue something more long term."

I've tried considering this, but kept coming to the same problem. Would it be fair for him to hide who he is just to be with me? It was his idea though, so he must have considered what it would mean for him to do this. "Edward, are you sure that you would want to go back in to the closet, so to speak, just to be with me?"

He closes his eyes and I panic a little. Maybe he didn't think about that. Maybe he is regretting his suggestion. He opens his eyes again and they seem to be burning brighter, staring right into me. "I have never been more positive about anything in my life. I want this, Jasper, and I am willing to do anything to be with you."

I can't help the hope that surges inside of me. I smile at him and that cause my favorite smile to grace his face. I lean in to kiss him again. He lets out a small moan when our lips touch. It urges me on and I let my legs go so that he can pull me closer to him. His arms wrap around my waist and I feel his fingers dig into my back causing me to gasp. He takes the opportunity and slips his tongue between my lips causing me to let out a whimper. He tastes amazing. My hands slide into his hair, gripping it to pull him further into me and I climb onto his lap. I can't get enough of him, I can't get close enough.

We are both in need of air, so I pull back from the kiss to breathe. He doesn't seem ready to stop and continues to kiss along my jaw and down the left side of my neck. I feel his fingers running along the hem of my shirt, so I lift my arms letting him take it off and throw it on the floor. I pull his up and off too and crush my chest against his. I can feel that tingling sensation everywhere we touch and I've never felt more alive. I bury my face in his neck and breathe him in, letting his scent completely consume me.

He continues his path down my neck, licking and nipping along the way. It feels amazing, and sends shivers down my spine. He finds a spot on my shoulder that he likes and gives it more attention. His kissing turns into sucking, then some light biting and licking to sooth the spot. He pulls back a little to look at his work. There is probably a mark there, but my shirt will cover it. I hear a content sigh as he whispers "Mine."

At first I don't think I hear him right, but when I look at him I know he said it. And I know it is completely true. I have been his since the moment I met his eyes that first night. It has only been a week but he already has my heart. This is going to be hard, but I want to make it work. I need to be with him. I press my lips to his for a quick soft kiss and then touch my forehead to his. "Yours."

AN: Woot… another chapter down and thanks to my beta Dreamingpoet1988 for being super fast! I really appreciate all the reviews I have been getting. I enjoy writing it more knowing that ya'll are enjoying reading it. Let me know what you think…


	8. When my fist clenches, crack it open

AN: Sorry it took longer to update, this chapter was harder to get out than I thought. But it's done, so yea! Thanks to my beta, DreamingPoet1988. You should go check out her page, she's a great author and has had some really interesting ideas!

Disclaimer – I own nothing!

Chapter 8 – When my fist clenches, crack it open

EPOV

_Mine_. I can't believe he is finally mine. And I am most definitely his. Things are going slow right now, but he needs slow. I will give him whatever he needs, because I need him. I just hope that one day he will open up and show everyone how beautiful he really is. I can't imagine how hard it has been to hide who he is for years. He may be right about his parents and I can understand his reluctance to open up to them, but I'm sure he is wrong about Rose. Hopefully someday soon he will see that too.

It's been a week since Jasper agreed to be with me privately. We've spent almost all of our spare time at his apartment getting to know each other better. He doesn't hold back anymore and I cherish the trust he has in me. I want him to know that he can be himself with me, that I won't judge him.

I still go to the bar every night that he plays. This is as close to being together in public as we have come. The last couple of nights he has come in a little early and had a beer with me before his set, but he makes sure to keep his distance as much as possible. I still appreciate the effort though. Even if it just looks like we are friends, I like knowing that he still wants to be near me no matter where we are.

I spend the time that he is playing sitting at the bar, occasionally talking to Rose if I can manage to look away from Jasper. I know she has seen us having a beer and talking. I've caught her eye when she was watching us. She just smiles and continues working. I wonder if she thinks there is more going on, but she hasn't mentioned anything if she does. Jasper seems happier now. I know that he isn't fixed yet, but he smiles and laughs more. Rose has noticed his changes too. She says she doesn't know what it is, but hopes that it doesn't change because he hasn't seemed this happy in a long time. Hearing her say that made me smile because I know I'm what has changed.

It is pretty hard not to run to him when he finishes his set each night. Jasper is really hot when he plays his guitar and that deep country accent comes out. I am able to control myself though, because he comes to me. It's not to do the things I'm thinking of doing, but it's a step in the right direction. He isn't ignoring me and that's enough for now. I get my fill of him back at his apartment.

I can tell this is hard for him too. He's caught himself lifting his hand to my face once. Another time he touched my arm and it freaked him out, he kept looking around seeing if anyone noticed. It took a lot of convincing him that night that no one saw us and we shouldn't give up just yet.

Tonight though has been pretty tough on my resolve. I swear ever since we decided to start this last week, he has been dressing to get my attention. I never should have told him that cowboys were hot. It could have saved me a few nights of blue balls, but seeing him in a tight red flannel shirt, dark blue jeans that fit his ass perfectly, and cowboy boots is worth it. He has been looking at me a lot more than usual too, occasionally licking his lips purposefully and smirking. I even considered running to the bathroom to ease the tightness in my jeans.

After his set is over he makes his way towards me and sits next to me at the bar. Rose brings him a beer and stops to look between us. He doesn't notice that she is still there because he is looking at me. She winks at me and I don't know what that was supposed to mean so I just ignore it for now and decided not to mention it to him. I don't want him to get worried if he knows that someone is noticing us. When he finishes his beer, he heads out. We make sure not to leave together since he doesn't want anyone suspecting anything.

I wait about ten minutes and go to his apartment. Before he even finishes closing the door, I push him against it and kiss him hard. My hands find their way to his hair and he pulls me by my belt loops crushing me against him. I walk backwards to the couch, pulling Jasper with me. He pushes me down to sit on it, pulling his shirt off and throwing it somewhere on the floor. My eyes roam over his smooth tanned skin. How he stays tanned, I don't know and don't care. He is sexy as hell and I want to touch him.

I'm not so sure if this is a good idea since he wanted to take things slow. We haven't done anything more that kissing since the night he agreed to be with me. I can't bring myself to stop him though, so hopefully he will stop if he thinks it is going too far.

He straddles my lap and pulls my shirt off, throwing it behind him. He sits there for a minute, eyes roaming over my exposed skin. My eyes can't help but do the same, and my fingers reach out to him before I even realize it. I touch his chest first, my fingers trailing down his breastbone. I bring my other hand up and sprawl them both out on his chest. Jasper's eyes close and his breathing starts to pick up. I move my hands up and around his shoulders, down to grab him by his biceps. I use them to pull him against me. I let out a groan when his skin touches mine.

He takes my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine. His tongue finds its way in and tangles with my own. This feels so damn good, but I know I need to make sure this is really what he wants. I try to say his name while he is still assaulting my mouth, when he finally realizes I'm trying to say something he just mumbles "Hmm?" and continues with open mouthed kissed down my neck, sucking a little here and there. It takes me a minute to remember I wanted to ask him something.

"Jasper, are… are you sure… Oh God that feels amazing…. Are you sure you want to keep doing this? Mmmm… I thought you… you wanted to go… Fuck!... go slow." He pulls back to look at me. There is that damn sexy smirk again. "Hmmm, do you want me to stop, Edward?"

"No! Fuck, I mean you don't think this is too fast? I just don't want you to regret this, regret us." I look down so he can't see the pain in my eyes from just the thought.

JPOV

My poor angel, he can't honestly think I could regret him, does he? I've never been happier in my whole life and it's because of him. I push his chin up with my fingers to lift his face back to mine and give him a short sweet kiss. "Edward, I could never regret anything I do with you, I could never regret you. I have only known you for two weeks, and we've only been together for one of them. Yet I have never been happier. I felt so alone before you, and now… now I feel complete. I have someone who I can talk to and not hide from. Someone I can be completely comfortable around and who accepts me for who I am. I know it's going to be hard with my insecurities, but I want this. I want you."

I see a tear slip sliding down his cheek and I lean forward to kiss it away. When I pull back his face is lit up with one of those breathtaking smiles. He is so beautiful, and I am so grateful he is mine. I can't do anything to screw this up. He has shown me what it's like to be accepted for who I really am. I can be myself with him and it's liberating. If I loose him now, I'll loose myself.

"Maybe, we should slow down a little, though. I don't want to mess this up. I really do need you, Edward." He smiles at me again and nods. I kiss him one last time and keep it sweet, trying to convey to him how much he means to me. He pulls back and I know what I see in his eyes are reflected in my own… Understanding, Need, Lust, Love? Maybe, but we aren't quite ready for that. I know things will work out for us. They will because we want them to.

I stand back up and he gets up with me. He watches me while I look around until I find our shirts, grab them, and hand him his. Instead of taking his shirt, though, he takes my hand and pulls me into him. I groan from the feel of his chest against mine again and he chuckles. His other hand comes up to my neck and he pulls me to him for another kiss. It's long and wet, and leaves me breathless. His lips travel to my ear, where he stops kissing me. "Jasper?"

All I can do is make a humming noise to acknowledge him. He chuckles again and pulls back to look at me. "Will you go on a date with me?" _What the fuck did he just say?_ A date? He has to be kidding. I pry myself from his arms and start to walk backwards and away from him. I'm sure he can see the frantic look in my eyes because I can see the look of rejection in his. It hurts that it is there, but he knew how things would be.

"Jasper, wait a second. Please? I understand how you feel Jazz, I do. Just hear me out before you say no." I continue walking backwards until I hit a wall. He followed me, and now he's only a couple of feet away. I can see right into those pleading green eyes. It's so hard to say no to him. I want to be able to give him everything he wants and deserves. I've been able to trust him so far, and he has never given me a reason not to. It couldn't hurt to hear what he has to say.

"Okay. You can tell me your idea." There is that damned beautiful smile again and I can't help but hope I will be able to agree to it. I don't want that smile to ever go away. He takes my hand and drags me over to sit on the couch. I'm looking at him, waiting for him to start. I can tell he is nervous by the way he is chewing on that beautiful bottom lip. I lean into him and pull it into my mouth, running my tongue over it to sooth the damage he was doing. I kiss his fully when I'm done and pull back. "It's ok, babe. Please, tell me."

With a new determination, he looks at me and nods. "Jasper, I would really like to take you out on a date. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and let everyone who sees know you are mine. But I understand that you don't want to take the chance that anyone you know will find out. So I was thinking that maybe we could go out of town for the date. We could make a whole day of it. I know that we both enjoy hiking, and it's been a while since I have been. There are a few places near here that we could hike in during the morning and maybe have a picnic, then go into Olympia to see a movie, walk around the city, and eat dinner. We will be alone while we hike and eat lunch, so there shouldn't be any problems there. And at the movies it will be dark; no one will notice or care if we sit next to each other. Even for dinner, we could find a little-hole-in-the-wall place with hardly any people. It's a little over an hour drive from here so there is little chance you will see anyone you know. You could be yourself. See what it's like to not worry about what others around you think because you don't know them and they don't know you. We could have a lot of fun together, Jazz. Aren't you tired of just holing up in your apartment with me and watching TV or just talking? I want to show you there is more that we can do. We don't have to be confined to just this place."

Wow, he has thought this through. I wonder how long he has been waiting to ask me. My first instinct is to say no, but he deserves for me to think it through. I lean my shoulder into the couch and rest my head against it. He mirrors my position and squeezes my hand. I close my eyes so I can't see him while I think.

The hiking should be fine, and I know we will both enjoy it. It's the part where we are out in the open and being ourselves that worries me. Olympia should be far enough away that no one would know me or even him. Neither of us has any family around here except Rose, and her and Emmett hardly leave town. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea and it would make him so happy.

I open my eyes up to see him, and my decision is made when I look into his eyes. I'll give this man whatever he wants to make him happy. He is willing to go to another city so we can be together as a couple; I should be able to meet him half way. "Yes, Edward. I'll go on a date with you. It sounds like fun." I give him a genuine smile so he knows that I am sure about this. His face lights up and I know I made the right decision. My angel is happy and that is all that matters.

AN: Soooo, what do you think? Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	9. Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

Chapter 9 - Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

AN: Ok, so there are a couple contests I want to let ya'll know about: the Quickie Contest, and Who doesn't love a fairy tale. I have a few entries of my own and so does my beta DreamingPoet1988, and there are a bunch of other great entries. I encourage you to read them, even enter. They are all accepting entries still, and voting will begin soon. So Go… Read…. After this of course :P

Disclaimer - I own nothing!

EPOV

I can't believe how nervous I am. I've been on dates before, spent time with guys I was seeing. Never though have I been this scared. If even one small thing happens it could ruin all that I've worked so hard to have with Jasper. I still can't believe he actually agreed. We decided to go the following weekend. I wanted to give him time to get used to the idea, hoping he wouldn't be freaked out when today finally came. I didn't even consider that my own anticipation might kill me.

I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted too. My body so on edge I couldn't sleep anymore. I can't worry much more though, it's 7am and he will be here any minute. We figured since we would be out in the woods, it would be a better idea to take his truck. I decide to walk outside and wait for him, my body needing to do something constructive. I grab my backpack, which has a change of clothes and a blanket in it, and the small cooler full of our lunch and drinks. I make it down stairs just as he pulls up to the complex.

I put my stuff in the back and hop into the passenger seat, leaning over to give him a kiss. I didn't even think about us being in his truck in a parking lot where someone might see us. He didn't either. In fact, there was no look of shock… no freaking out. He just pulls back and puts the truck in reverse. Leaving the parking lot I am still staring at him. He looks at me and smiles.

"I'm fine, Edward. Relax." I sit back and look out the window, watching the world fly by. It takes us about forty minutes to get there, and before I know it we are climbing out of the truck and heading down the trail that leads to Snoqualmie Falls. There are no cars in the parking lot, so we figured it was too early for anyone else to hike, since the sun had just come up when we parked.

We have been walking in silence for about ten minutes when he grabs my hand and pulls me off the path. "Jasper, what are you doing. Where are we going? I thought you wanted to see the waterfall." He stops and turns to look at me.

"Do you trust me, Edward?" I don't even have to think about it, I trust him with all I am. "Of course I do, Jazz." He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. "Good, now follow me. I want to show you something." I would follow him anywhere.

He leads me off the normal trail for about twenty minutes. "We're almost there… just a few more minutes." He looks so beautiful in his element. Since we have spent so much time together just talking, I have learned a lot about him. And man does he love to hike. He did it a lot more before me, and I feel bad for taking up his time. He has assured me that it is what he wants, that he finds the same peace in me that he does with nature. But seeing him now is a new experience. I can feel the calm and joy rolling off his body.

He stops in front of me and I run into him, since I was lost in thought. He holds on so I don't fall down and laughs at me. "Tripping on air there, babe?" I feel my cheeks heat up and laughs again, giving me a sweet kiss on my lips. "I wanted to show you a different view of the fall. I found this about a year ago and I like to come back when I am feeling down. It is my favorite place close to Seattle to go to, and I am so excited to share it with you."

A huge grin covers my face, "Thanks Jasper. I'm honored that you want to show me." He gives me another quick kiss and pulls be the rest of the way, too excited to wait any longer. We break through the tree line and all the air rushes out of my lungs. It's breathtaking. We are about 200 feet from the base of the waterfall.

I walk ahead of Jasper towards the edge of the water, almost in a trance. I can feel a light spray from the falls sprinkling on my face. The waterfall is so tall I have to lean my head back to see the top. And we are close enough to it that the buildings up top are out of sight.

I feel two strong arms wrap around my waste, and Jasper whispers in my ear, "Do you like it?" I turn to face him, the only thing more beautiful than the world surrounding us at the moment. "I love it, Jasper. Thank you for sharing it with me." I pull him closer and kiss him hard, letting him know how much I appreciate him giving me this piece of himself.

We spend about another hour, sitting on the edge of the water and talking about the view and what we enjoy most about hiking. Soon, we are back to hiking. Jasper seems to know his way around here, so I let him lead. He shows me a few more beautiful spots, but nothing like the falls.

It is close to noon when we head back to the truck. He pulls the cooler out of the back and we walk over to the picnic tables they have by the parking lot. I made a couple turkey sandwiches and threw in some fruit earlier that morning, it's a light lunch but it hits the spot after a few hours hiking. Afterwards, we clean up and use the small restrooms available and change into clean clothes for our trip to Olympia.

It takes close to an hour and a half to get there. We fall into a comfortable silence after about thirty minutes, listening to his IPod the rest of the way. It doesn't seem to take that long as we enjoy the ride and just being with each other. Before I know it, we are within the city limits. We decided that we would walk around before the movie and dinner later that night.

He finds a spot close to the water and parks. We get out and walk towards the boardwalk, stopping at the railing when we get there. A few people walk past us as we look out over the water. The view of the mountains is beautiful. It reminds me how perfect today has been so far, filled with joy and peace.

Suddenly I feel Jasper's arms wrap around my waste and his head leaning against my shoulder. My body goes stiff, realizing we are in public and there are people around. I turn my head to look at him and he lifts his to look at me. He seems so calm and happy and I wonder if he knows what he is doing.

"Relax baby. I'm fine; I don't care if people see us. Today has been amazing so far and I'm just happy to be with you. No one else matters today, just me and you. I don't want to hold back from touching you or telling you how you make me feel." He leans in and gives me a soft kiss on my lips.

I can feel a tear sliding down my cheek, and he lifts a hand up to wipe it away. "Thank you Jasper. This means so much to me; I don't think I've ever been this happy." He cups my face and gives me another kiss. Pulling back he says, "Me either, Edward."

Smiling he takes my hand and pulls me along so we can continue our walk down the boardwalk. "Come on, babe. Let's go enjoy the rest of our date."

JPOV

I couldn't help it. He looked so beautiful standing at the rail, looking out over the water. I didn't even notice the view; all I could see was him. My whole body was begging me to touch him, hold him, and love him. Not being able to stop myself, I walked over to him and pulled him into my embrace. It felt so good, so right.

I tried to reassure him that everything was alright. Even after I agreed to this date, he still worries about how I will react to things. I can't believe I'm not freaking out myself, but being with him is easy, just like breathing. And just as necessary.

We spent another hour walking along the boardwalk, looking through shops and admiring a few artists painting the view, before heading towards the movie theatre, since our movie started at 3:00. We are seeing some new comedy about a guy who pretends to be married to pick up girls.

We make our way to the back of the theatre, thankful it's already dark and there are only a few people who were sitting in the front. The movie starts just as we claim seats. I don't pay much attention to the movie; instead I try to watch Edward out of the corner of my eyes. The movie must be funny because every few minutes he busts out laughing.

I love seeing him like this. So happy, enjoying his self, not worrying about what people will see. This is how it should be, how I want it to be everywhere we go. This is what he deserves. Hell, I deserve it too.

I'm brought out of my musings when he rests his hand just above my knee. I can feel the warmth of his hand through my jeans and it only distracts me even more. Every time he laughs it causes his hand to travel a little further up my thigh. Something really funny must happen because grabs me and bends over in his lap laughing harder than he has the entire time.

I can't take it anymore. I am hard as a rock and if he keeps this up, I'm going to jump him in the back of this movie theatre. When he quiets back down I lean into him and whisper into his ear, "Darlin, if you don't stop grabbing my leg like that you're going to have a _big_ problem on your hands, or maybe in your mouth." I chuckle when his eyes clamp shut and a moan escapes his lips. He squeezes my leg again real quick, causing a growl to come from me. He quickly takes it away and his eyes go wide, staring straight at me.

"Sorry babe, I… I didn't realize what I was doing." He looks almost frantic now. Does he think I'm mad? Far from it. I grab him by the neck and press my lips to his. He pushes his tongue into my mouth and I can't help but moan. I pull back and smile at him. "It's alright. Although, I do wish we were back in my apartment now so I could show you how much I want you."

He lets out another moan, and I laugh at him. "Come here, darlin." I pull him to me and put my arm around his shoulder. He cuddles into my side and we stay like that for the rest of the movie. What I saw of it was pretty funny; too bad I missed most of it.

Dinner goes by just as smoothly. We went to a restaurant on the boardwalk we passed while we were walking. It was a little seafood place, and it was good food. I shocked the hell out of him when I sat in the booth next to him, instead of across from him.

I didn't know at first why he was looking at me like I was crazy. When he said something about it, I just looked around the restaurant. The place was small, but full of people. I looked back at him and none of it mattered. I smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, letting him know it was okay.

The rest of dinner he was himself and I was glad I could make him happy. I hated that we had to drive so far out of Seattle to be like this, but it's been an amazing day. I don't think it could have been any better.

It's about 9:30 when I pull into his apartment complex. My angel fell asleep about an hour ago and I didn't have the heart to wake him up. I jump out of my truck and walk over to open his door. It wakes him up and he gets out. We walk up to his apartment together, stopping just outside the door.

"I'm going to go ahead and go home babe. You need to get some sleep; it's been a long day." He looks at his door and then back at me.

"You're probably right, Jasper. I am really tired. I wouldn't be a good host anyways." We both laugh at that. "I had a really good time tonight Jazz. Thank you for going with me."

"No Edward, thank you. Today has been the most fun I have had in my whole life. It was easy to be with you like that. It felt right." He smiles brightly at me.

Before I even realize what I am doing, I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips. After a few moments I pull back, a smile tugging on my lips. "Night darlin." He stares at me for a few seconds and then whispers "Goodnight, Jazz."

I walk away smiling like a fool. I don't hear his door close until I am almost all the way down the stair. I hop in my truck and it finally hits me. I just kissed him… in our town… in public. It's not like there are a lot of people around who can see, but the possibility is still there. Normally, in this situation I would have been freaking out about now.

So why am I still smiling?

AN: Eeekkk! Let me know what you think… and then while you are waiting for my next chapter you should head over to Robpfan's page. She just posted a Jasper/Edward story called Follow Your Heart. I absolutely loved it and definitely recommend it!


	10. No one bites back as hard

Chapter 10 – No one bites back as hard

Disclaimer - Jasper and Edward = Meyer's; Nothing = Mine :(

AN: Thanks everyone for your reviews :) They make my day much brighter. Just a heads up, there is a lemon in this chapter so if you don't like boy lovin you might want to turn back now, though you might also want to ask yourself why you read this far anyways :D

Don't forget to go check out those contests; QuickieContest, and Who doesn't love a fairy tale (these are the pen names). I have a few entries and so does my beta DreamingPoet1988. There are a bunch of great entries. I encourage you to read them, even enter. They are both accepting entries still, and voting will start soon. Don't forget to show some love :)

JPOV

One week was all it took for Edward to become the most important thing in my life. Not that there were many things important before him, but nothing else seems to matter anymore. Our first date was amazing and really opened my eyes up to what a normal life with Edward would be like.

Not much has changed for us in Seattle. It's been three weeks since Olympia. We have gone on a few more dates since then, picking different places each time, exploring a bunch of the hiking trails near Seattle and even going to Oregon once. We spend so much time together that I can't imagine my life without him. I can't remember much before him either. The day I met him is the day my life began.

I have opened up a little bit to him in public. I still don't get close enough, or do things that would lead someone to believe we are together. But I don't hold back in our conversations anymore, not caring if anyone notices we are talking. I touch him in a friendly gesture before I start my sets and I love the emotions that cross his face when I do. I watch him a lot more when I'm playing too, sharing knowing winks and smiles. I'm glad I can give him at least these small things. I don't want him to think I am ashamed to be with him, because that is not the case. I'm lucky to call him my own. I'm just too much of a pussy to do it out loud.

Today is Sunday and I should have been able to spend most of it with Edward. Unfortunately he has to give a few exams this week and needs to make the tests. It's taken him all day so far and now he can't even watch me play. We hardly go a full day without seeing each other, so I am missing him terribly right about now, knowing it won't be until after work tomorrow before I can again.

I don't go to the bar early tonight since Edward won't be there. Getting there instead with just enough time to kiss Rose on the cheek and set up on stage. Our relationship has changed some in the last month too. We are more affectionate with each other, and spend a little more time together. I think it may be her pregnancy hormones getting to her… or maybe it's because I'm not such a mope anymore.

I get through my set easy enough. I don't get as much out of playing when Edward isn't here. I feel alive when he watches me. The looks he gives me, the subtle flirting when no one is looking. I play for him now, and when he is missing, so is my passion.

Afterwards, I head to the bar for a beer, not ready to go home and be alone just yet. Rose walks over with my drink and stops to look at me. "You okay, Jazzy? You seem kind of down."

"Yea, I guess I'm just not in a good mood today, sis." I look down at my beer so she can't see my face as I say it.

Behind me I can hear someone talking about _faggots_ and I cringe, hating that word. I don't have the chance to listen in when Rose continues.

"You've been so happy this last month, I was just starting to get used to it… Speaking of which… Where is Edward?" My eyes shoot up to hers' and there is a smirk on her face.

"Why would you think I would know where Edward is?" _Oh God, Oh God, Oh God._

"Well, you guys are buddies now right? You hang out here all the time together. It's been nice to see you interacting with someone other than me and Emmett. Besides, you're happier when he is here. He seems to be good for you."

"Yeah Rose, we're friends. I guess he is working, he told me he has exams to give this week. Making the tests can take a lot of time." She nods accepting my answer and moves on. I'm a little worried about how much Rose has noticed. At least she doesn't suspect anything more that friends. And honestly it's not like I have been hiding our "friendship", that would be too difficult. There is no way I could ignore my beautiful angel the whole time we are here.

I don't get much time to think about it because I hear some guy yelling behind me. I turn to see what the problem is… my heart dropping out of my chest when I take in the scene before me.

A drunk guy, probably who I heard before, was hovering over a table pointing his finger in the faces of two men. The men didn't look too afraid and their hands were clasped tightly together on top of the table, but you could see a hint of embarrassment tinge their cheeks. The guy was saying loudly, so the whole bar could hear it, how disgusting they were and that _faggots_ were not allowed in this bar.

I wanted to punch this guy in the face and run out of the bar, all at the same time. Instead I was glued to my seat, unable to move and forced to watch this play out. I heard a mug hit the bar behind me hard, and before I realized it, Rose was next to the drunk and more red than I have ever seen her in my whole life. I was sure she was going to kick them all out, not wanting the gay couple in her bar or the drunken guy making any more of a fuss.

She shocked the hell out of me when I saw her grab the man's finger and pull it back. The couple looked just as shocked and the man was cringing in pain. Seething she says "Is there a problem here?"

He goes to say something and Rose cuts him off before he can even make a noise.

"I wasn't talking to you; I was talking to these gentlemen. I'll tell you the problem _I_ see, though. This couple's nice evening has been interrupted by the bullshit spewing from your trap. And I am pretty sure you do not run this bar or have the right to say who we do or do not serve here. In fact, I am positive because that right belongs to me and my husband. Now get the fuck out of here because _you_ are not welcome here anymore."

Rose lets go of him and turns to the couple, apologizing for the man's behavior and that she hopes that it will not affect them continuing to come to the bar. They smile at her and allay her worries. She comes back to the bar and stands next to Emmett, both of them looking pretty fierce and staring at the man who hasn't moved or said a word since Rose interrupted him.

The guy just stands there taken aback. He looks around for support finding none, even from his friends, so he leaves mumbling about _fucking liberals_. I turn back to Rose and Emmett. They both are looking at me like they want to say something, but instead Emmett's face lights up and he booms across the bar, "Sorry for that ridiculous display of humanity, please accept our apologies and a round of drinks on us."

The bar cheers and a couple of the waitresses run around passing out mugs of beer and shots. Rose makes the three of us a shot and Emmett's voice carries across again, "Hey everyone, raise your glasses! Here's to us so called _fucking liberals_. Enjoy!" Everyone joins in and takes the drink. The place roars in laughter and I look back at the couple, happy and enjoying their night again.

I don't know what just happened. Rose stood up for that couple. All this time I thought I would lose her if she found out I was gay, and here she is rambling on to me about how unfair it was, that she can't stand people that think that way, and love is beautiful in all forms.

I slip out of the bar before her and Emmett can notice, go home and crawl in bed, ignoring the ring coming from the side table. Too much is going through my head and I am so confused. For years I was sure that I was doing the right thing with hiding who I am, and in one instant I am proven wrong. But does this really mean I will be able to open up? And if I do, what will that mean for me and Edward?

The next day is spent in a trance. I make it through classes okay, deciding it a good day to show the classes a film. I spend the whole time thinking about last night and how things could change in my life, if I let them.

I call in to the bar, letting Rose know I am not feeling well and need to take the night off. She goes through her whole motherly sister rant and when I assure her I will be fine, she lets me go.

I've been lying on the couch since getting home from work, not able to do anything else but think. All phone calls being ignored again.

What is holding me back? My worries about Rose have been extinguished. My parents are in a different state, and honestly haven't been a part of my life for years now. They wouldn't find out unless I told them, Rose probably understands enough not to say anything. And I know Edward and I can be out and about in the real world comfortably.

So, then… What? Why can't I seem to shake ten years of unjustifiable thinking?

The next day at work is spent much the same. With different classes I don't feel too bad about showing movies again. I don't call in to the bar tonight, hoping that seeing Edward and playing will sooth me.

I get to _Emmett's_ early tonight and see Edward sitting at the bar. I sit next to him and he looks at me shocked. _I wonder what that's about_. He looks like he hasn't slept in a couple nights and my fingers itch to touch his face to see if he's alright.

Rose is standing in front of me now, "Hey Rose. Hey Edward." I say before turning away from her and looking at Edward again. He turns away from me with a small _hi_ and faces the bar, slouching and looking even worse if that is possible. I hear Rose walk away and I ask, "Edward, are you alright?"

He looks at me confused, "I don't know. Do I look alright? Maybe not since I haven't slept in two days, worried because my boyfriend hasn't been picking up his calls and didn't show up yesterday when I was expecting to see him. So… no, I am _not_ alright."

Oh shit, I didn't even think about what my silence would mean to Edward. I hope I didn't fuck this up already. "Edward, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I've just been dealing with some shit since Sunday night and I needed to work through it." He looks at me, a little of the pain in his features going away. But before we can talk some more Emmett yells at me to get my ass on the stage.

"We'll talk more after my set, right?" I don't move from my seat until he nods his head, a small smile tugging on his lips. I hurry to the stage to set up and start playing.

He doesn't take his eyes off of me while I play, and I don't have it in me to look anywhere else but at my beautiful angel. I hate that the sadness in his eyes is because of me and I want to take it away.

I play only for him tonight. Picking more upbeat songs, ones I know to be Edward's favorites, hoping to cheer him up. He always says that he knows exactly how I am feeling when I sing. I hope that is true tonight. I need him to know everything I can't say to him right now.

A few songs in I see him smiling again and eyes bright. There's my boy. Relief washes over me and my world is right again. My set switches to more songs about hope and love. This has to be the sappiest set I have every played, but my heart is choosing the songs now.

Realization hits me towards the end of my set… _my world is right_. He _is_ my world.

Since seeing him again, my worries from the last two days have been pushed to the corner of my mind. Why am I letting my stupid insecurities come between us? Edward makes me happy, and I make him happy. Does anything else really matter?

My life has been great since Edward forced his way into it. I was barely living before him, and I would die without him now. I've seen how amazing life with him can be. I can't lose him now. What if he grows tired of hiding our relationship? I know how much it can hurt to do that for so long. And just the thought of losing him hurts more than anything ever has before.

I'm an emotional wreck by the end of the set. I put my guitar in its case and set it in the back room. When I walk back into the main bar, I stop to look at Edward again. He is staring at me, concern written all over his beautiful face. I smile at him, a real genuine smile, and he returns it.

It's so easy to be with him, I just need to let myself. What we have is beautiful and I shouldn't hide it. I've taken so much from him this last month, and he has never once complained, only happy to be with me. He deserves more than that though. He deserves my affection all day and everywhere, not just behind closed doors.

Every inch I take closer to him, his smile widens and my heart soars. This is right, we are right. And I am a dick for thinking anything else. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks but him. He is my everything and I am going to make sure he knows it.

I don't stop at what I usually deemed an _appropriate_ distance when I reach him this time. His eyes go wide and his breathing picks up. I reach down and wrap my arm around his waist, pulling him against me. My other hand grabs him by his neck and I crush my lips to his.

I barely notice Rose's "Finally!", too focused on the moan vibrating on my lips and the hands firmly planted in my hair. I pull back from the kiss, noticing the matching smiles on our faces.

"Jasper, you do realize what you're doing right?" I laugh and kiss him softly again.

"Yes, baby. I am fully aware of what I am doing. Now let's get out of here before we give them even more of a show." He laughs with me and I grab his hand, dragging him to towards the door.

I hear cheering and Emmett's loud whooping sound when we get outside.

We make it to my apartment across the street in record time, and I push him into the door when it closes behind us. His breathing is heavy again; lips parted and flush from me kissing them. His green eyes boring into mine, wondering what I'm going to do next.

I lean into his ear I take the lobe between my lips, sucking and nibbling on it a little. "Do you know how fucking sexy you are?" He sucks in air and moans when I start trailing kisses down his neck. I bring my lips back up to his and he latches on to me, almost like he's afraid I am going to go somewhere. I don't belong anywhere else.

I bend down slightly and grab the back of his thighs, lifting him until he wraps his legs around my waist. Without breaking the kiss, I make it to my bedroom. I drop him back down beside the bed, and deepen the kiss, not able to get enough of his sweet taste.

We finally part when I lift his shirt over his head. He starts to unbutton my shirt and kisses any exposed skin along the way. His lips are soft and feel amazing. Too soon he finishes and slowly pushes my shirt off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

This is usually as far as we get before stopping, too afraid to move too fast. I look into his eyes for any hesitation and find none. He seems to know what I am thinking and leans in for a soft, reassuring kiss. I cup his cheeks and kiss him back. This is right.

My hands slide down his body, stopping to run my thumbs over his nipples. He moans loudly, grabbing my ass and pulling me into him, deliciously rubbing his hard on against mine.

Something snaps inside of me and I can't wait anymore. I break from the hold he has on me and push his into the bed, pulling the rest of his clothes off before he registers what is happening. Mine are gone in the next instant. My eyes roam over his toned body, admiring his creamy skin and beautiful cock standing proud for me.

He crawls into the bed, lying down on the pillows, lustful eyes beckoning me to follow. I grab the lube and a condom from my nightstand and join him on the bed, laying the items beside him. I'm starting to feel nervous. Every other time I have had sex, it was just a quick fuck. This time is different, it means something to me and I don't want to fuck it up.

I look down at him and he notices my hesitation. "Jasper?"

His voice full of concern warms my heart. No one has ever cared about me like he does. I lean in and press my lips softly against his, the kiss grounding me. I pull back and look into his eyes, seeing everything I have ever wanted in life.

"I love you, Edward." He gasps in shock, not expecting such an admittance. His eyes are darting back and forth between mine, searching for the truth. After a few seconds my angel's face lights up with a dazzling smile.

"I love you too, Jasper." He says, causing my heart to race and a goofy grin to take over. I kiss him again, hoping he can tell how happy it makes me to hear him say that.

His arms reach around my shoulders and pull me down. Our moans muffled by lips when our naked cocks touch. I thrust my hips forward a little and the friction feels fucking amazing. Edward is panting below, nails digging into my back. Breaking away from the kiss he says, "Please Jasper. Make love to me."

I wanted to worship his body from head to toe, but I don't think either of us can wait anymore. I trail kisses down his neck and nibble a little on his collarbone. He moans loudly and arches his back when my teeth find his nipple. He is a beautiful writhing mess by the time I put the condom on and pour the lube.

Smiling, I kiss him and reach between us taking his length in my hand. He releases a gasp against my lips when his aching cock finally gets some attention. I pump him a few times for good measure. It takes a few minutes to prepare him. From what he has told me, it has been quite a few months since he last had sex and I don't want to hurt him.

When he seems ready, I curl my fingers inside of him, searching for his sweet spot. I know I have found it when a string of profanities leave his lips and he arches into me. Panting he says, "Please, Jasper, I'm ready. Pleeeeassee!" I remove my fingers and he whimpers from the loss.

Before he can fret too much, I shift my body and we both groan when the tip of my cock brushes his entrance. He wraps his legs around my hips and I push into him slowly until I am flush against him.

I drop my head into his neck, overwhelmed with the feeling of being inside him and the emotions threatening to consume me. I have never felt more complete, surrounded by Edward, his body… his scent… his taste… oh god and the sweet sounds coming from him. I clench my eyes closed and pull back to kiss him, trying to control my feelings. I am so light and happy that if he lets go of me, I'm sure I will float away.

I push up slightly, opening my eyes and notice wetness on his cheeks. At first I think he is crying, but then I see a drop fall onto him. It takes a second, and his fingers wiping my cheek, to realize I'm the one crying. "I love you." He says and I find my reason again. I kiss him hard, showing him how much I love him too.

He wiggles below me and clenches deliciously around my cock. Remembering what we are doing I slowly thrust in and out of him, enjoying his heat surrounding me and the moans he can't hold back.

"Harder, Jasper! Please, faster… anything. I need more!" Unable to deny my sexy angel, I pull back until just the tip remains and thrust in hard. "Yesssss!" I cover his body with mine and drop my head into his neck, the friction bringing me closer to release with ever pump of my hips.

I keep a steady rhythm, hard and long. His cock is caught between us, sliding against our sweaty stomachs. His breathing picks up and his fingers dig into my back. I'm so close, but I need him to come first. I want to see him let go.

Pulling back, I look in his green eyes. "Come for me, baby. Let me see you come apart for me."

Like he was waiting for my cue, the sexiest fucking growl I have ever heard comes from him. His eyes clench as he throws his head back into the pillow. I feel him pulse and his hot juices coat our stomachs. The sight before me pushes me over the edge. I pump into him a few more times, dropping my face back into his neck when the feeling overtakes me and I spill inside him.

We lay like that for a few minutes. Our sweaty bodies cling to each other, not ready to let the moment go. I place light kisses along his neck and he hums in pleasure, running his fingers up and down my back. I push up onto my arms and look at him, a look of pure bliss gracing his face.

I give him a soft kiss before going to the bathroom to get a towel. I clean us both up and then we crawl under the covers. Wrapping myself around him, I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat. "I love you, Edward."

He kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tighter. "I love you too, Jasper." I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing him say that.

AN: Sooooooo, what do you think? Thanks for reading and reviewing and to DreamingPoet1988 for being my super awesome beta!


	11. My love is vengeance

**AN: Thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988…. She rocks… and so do her stories, so go read them too. There is slashy goodness in the chapter so if you aren't 18 and/or you don't like boy/boy love leave now! Sorry it took so long to update, it took forever to get this chapter out and then fanfiction retardedness occurred… just now able to post :D**

**Chapter 11 – My love is vengeance**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

EPOV

Utter Bliss. Never have I been so happy and complete. Every past moment, terrible and great, has been completely worth it to wake up and see this messy head of blonde hair lying on my chest.

To be honest, I was completely freaked out by the time I arrived at the bar last night. Jasper ignoring my calls and not showing up to the bar Monday really worried me. I didn't know what to think when Rose said that he called in to work because he was sick. I didn't believe that for one second.

I know Rose could tell I was upset when I found out Jasper wouldn't be there. I sulked the rest of the night, even drinking more than usually. I ended up walking home, not trusting myself to drive. Leaving the bar I considered going to check on him, but decided against it. It's just as easy to call me as it is to call Rose. But he chose not to, and that was what worried me.

I still haven't found out why he had been ignoring me since we were… distracted… last night after his set. Shocked wouldn't even begin to describe how I felt when Jasper kissed me in the bar. I'm not complaining though, that was one of the most passionate kisses we have ever shared. His feelings were rolling off of him in waves… determination… fear… love.

My heart skips a beat just thinking about him telling me he loves me. Last night was amazing. I have never felt so much while making love… maybe because it wasn't that for me before Jasper.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when he slightly shifts against me. I love the feel of him wrapped around me, head laying on my chest, and warm breath fanning across it. Finding it impossible not to touch him, I lightly caress his arm that is thrown across my stomach. His skin is smooth under my fingers and I relish the shiver that runs through his body from my touch.

As he wakes up, he rolls to his back and stretches his whole body, clenching his eyes shut and humming with pleasure. Seeing him sprawled out like this and making sexy fucking noises makes me hard as a rock. Before he even finishes I am hovering over him with a smirk on my face.

His eyes shoot open and a beautiful smile graces his face, "Morning, darling'." I lean in and cover his lips with mine, morning breath be damned, he still tastes amazing. Spreading his legs and falling between them, I lower myself until our naked bodies touch from lips to hips, our hard cocks trapped together. He moans into my mouth and threads his fingers into my hair. I chuckle a little and mumble "Morning" against his lips.

He trails his hands down my back, nails scratching lightly along the way, until he grabs my hips and thrusts up into me creating some very delicious friction. I leave his lips and kiss my way down to his chest, taking a nipple in my mouth and laving it with my tongue. I switch to the other, giving it the same attention.

His body arches into me and he lets out a low moan before grabbing me by the arms and pulling me back up and crashing his lips against mine. "God, Edward. Please fuck me!" _Yes, please!_

"Fuck yea! But… are you sure baby?" He doesn't answer, and instead reaches over to the nightstand, grabs the lube and condom, and hands them to me. I'm slightly nervous. It's been a while since I have topped. Carlisle always topped and never really gave me the choice.

Ugh, I am not going to think about that asshole while I have my beautiful boy waiting beneath me.

Nerves aside, I open the lube and spread it over my fingers, rubbing it to warm it up some. I circle his entrance a few times and then push a finger slightly. He seems to be doing okay so I pull back and thrust in again all the way, causing him to moan. Hmm, he likes a little pain I see.

Soon, three fingers are sliding easily inside him and he's ready, thrusting back into my hand. Removing my fingers causes him to whimper and I chuckle leaning in to whisper in his ear, "What's the matter baby… Were you enjoying yourself?"

"Please, Edward! Please…" He is fucking sexy writhing beneath me.

"Please, what? Do you want my cock inside you, or maybe my fingers again since you like them so much?"

"Fuck! Your cock, please…. Fuck me with your cock!" God, he is going to be the death of me.

Without wasting time I lube my self up and push all the way into him. "Oh fuck, you are so tight, ugh so hot." I drop my head to his chest trying to compose myself so I won't be a two pump chump. I focus on his heartbeat against my forehead and his panting breaths. He moves his hips beneath me and I can't wait any longer.

I push back up on my arms and look at him. He takes my breath away with how gorgeous he is, especially in moments like this when he is completely uninhibited. His eyes are filled with lust, his lips slightly parted, and his skin is covered in a light sheen of sweat.

I pull out of him and thrust back in slowly. His eyes roll back into his head, letting out a long groan.

I keep up this pace, watching his face each time my length enters him. "Hmm, do you like that Jazz? Do you like feeling my dick thrusting in and out, touching every inch inside of you?" I finish the question with an extra jerk of my hips.

He grabs onto my biceps and cries out, "Ugh, yessss!"

"Mmm, you feel so good around my cock, baby." His hands move to my neck and he pulls me down to kiss him. I don't stop my movements as our tongues clash and teeth nibble of lips.

The combination of our slick bodies moving together, the kissing, and fucking him is too much. I sit up and hook his legs over my arms, the different angle hitting the spot deep inside him perfectly. His arms fly up and grab onto the headboard, using it to push back into me.

"God, Edward. I'm so close!" He throws his head back into his pillow and repeats "Fuck" and "Oh God" over and over again.

I let go of his legs and wrap them around my waste, his feet digging into my ass with every thrust. I reach down and grab his cock with my hand, pumping along with my thrusts. I feel him twitch and dig into him harder.

"Now Jazz, come with me!" His back arches off the bed and he cries my name as I feel him pulse in my grasp, his cum coating my hand and his stomach. He clenches around me and I can't hold back any longer.

"Ugh, Fuck Jasper!" I cry as I reach my own release.

We stay that way for a few minutes catching our breaths, lightly kissing and touching each other. He stretches his neck up and kisses me hard making me groan.

Pulling back with a smirk on his face "That was amazing, Edward. I didn't even know you could talk like that."

"What can I say, babe. You bring out the dirty in me." We laugh and I get up to go get a towel, cleaning us both off. I snuggle up to him in the bed and we lay there enjoying the peaceful morning in bed.

Our moment is interrupted by an obnoxious ringing noise. Jasper looks at his nightstand, "That's probably Rose. Why don't you go hop in the shower babe and I'll answer it?"

"Ok, but only if you come join me when you're done."

"You're insatiable." He says while chuckling. "Ok baby, but I need to get the phone." I hurry off to the bathroom and start the shower. I wait a few minutes to let it get hot and then get in. The water feels amazing pounding down on my skin, relaxing all my muscles.

I'm not sure how long I stand there under the spray before I feel two arms wrap around my waist. Jasper presses into me and I can feel his hard on against my ass, making my own cock hard. "Hmm, seems like I'm not the only insatiable one."

"You looked so fucking delicious with the water dripping down your body, I just couldn't help myself."

I turn in his arms and wrap my own around his neck, and turn us both so he is the one under the water. Our lips come together and the kiss is soft and wet. Pulling away, I take a step back.

Looking up and down, I admire him. He stands there still, the water sliding over every inch of his body. His cock standing proud and flush. I lick my lips and move back towards him, dropping to my knees in front of him.

JPOV

Edward, dripping wet and on his knees in front of me is fucking hot as hell. I about came just from the site. His eyes lock with mine when he takes me in his hand. He grips hard and leans forward to swipe his tongue along my head, humming in pleasure when he tastes my pre-cum. My head falls back and my eyes close as he sucks my head into his mouth. The heat and his tongue feel amazing and I can't hold back anymore.

My hips jerk forward slightly and he lets me slide all the way to the back of his throat. Sweet heaven. He drags his lips back up my shaft, his tongue massaging it along the way. He swirls my head a few times, swiping at the slit, and then he comes back down fast. It takes me by surprise, and I groan when he swallows around me.

"Holy Fuck, Edward. Your mouth is amazing."

He picks up his pace and my hands fly to his hair, grabbing onto his wet locks, and guiding him to a rhythm I like. His other hand snakes up my thigh and starts fondling my balls. I grip his hair harder and he moans around my dick, the vibrations sending me closer to the edge.

"God, so close. Ughhh."

He starts moaning again and a finger finds its way to my entrance. I come hard down his throat when he pushes it inside me.

He stands back up with a grin on his face. "Did you enjoy that baby?"

I grab him by his neck and crash my lips to his, "Fuck yea I did. Now it's my turn!"

After our "shower" we get dressed and eat breakfast quickly. We both still have classes to teach this morning. As I scarf down my bowl of cereal I watch him across the table from me. He looks so much different than from last night. He hasn't stopped smiling since we left my bedroom and his mood is infectious, not that I need much help feeling as happy as I do. I thought coming out would be harder that it was, but when I'm with Edward it is so easy to forget about everything else.

Even now, looking at my beautiful boy, I can't seem to care that everyone at the bar last night knows about us. It's a relief really, knowing that we don't have to hide anymore. I don't think I can tell my parents, not yet anyways. One step at a time, first we have to talk to Rose and Emmett; otherwise we would be missing some very important love making body parts as Rose so eloquently mentioned on the phone this morning.

I let him know to meet me here after work so we can go over to the bar together. I'm not ready to leave him, but we can't just neglect our responsibilities to our students. After giving him one last deep kiss, we take off to campus in our own cars.

Classes go by slowly, but they are not miserable. I spend my free time thinking of how to explain things to Rose. I know she is going to be pissed when she finds out Edward and I have been together for about a month. I guess the best thing to do it just let it all come out; there is no reason to lie anymore.

When I get home, Edward is waiting outside my apartment for me, a huge grin on his face. He kisses me softly, "Are you ready for this baby?" A knowing look in his eyes. This is going to be interesting.

"Come on, let's do this." We go across the street and into the bar holding hands. Rose and Emmett are behind the bar and there are a couple of people sitting at tables. No where near as many as last night. We sit at the bar and Rose walks over to us, smiling like a fool.

"So… how long have you been hiding this from me?" Wow, she doesn't beat around the bush, does she?

"Hey to you too Rose, Edward and I would like a couple beers, thanks."

"Oh cut the crap, Jasper. Why didn't you tell me? Oh wait, never mind. You don't tell me anything, you keep everyone who loves you at arms length."

I look down and sigh. Edward reaches over and takes my hand giving me the courage to look at her again and say what I need to say. "Sorry Rose. This is why I have always been so reserved. I've known I was gay since I was 15. I didn't want anyone to find out, especially you, mom and dad. I've been afraid that you would all reject me. But seeing what happened in the bar Sunday changed everything."

Edward cocks his head to the side wondering what I'm talking about. We still haven't had a chance to talk about what has been happening these last couple days. I look at him and mouth "Later". He nods his head and I look back at Rose.

"I always assumed you would think the same way as our parents. I realize now how ridiculous that is and I'm sorry. As for me and Edward, we have been seeing each other for about a month. We've been hiding it and only going out of town if we wanted to spend time as a couple outside the apartment."

"You are such an ass Jasper. Of course I don't think like mom and dad. They are ridiculous in their views. It was one of the reasons I wanted to come to Washington, to get as far away from them as possible. I thought you knew me better than that. All these years that I have cared for you, worried about you, and you thought I wouldn't be able to accept you for who you are?"

There are tears welling up in her eyes and I can't stand it. I get up from the stool and Edward looks at me, afraid of what I might do. I jump the bar and land next to Rose on the other side, pulling her into a hug.

"God, I'm so sorry. I was so afraid, Rose. I didn't know what to do. There was never a guy before, so I didn't think it mattered. If there was no one in my life, then I wouldn't have to share my secret. But keeping that part of me hidden was hard, and I shut people I love out because it was easier. Edward changed everything though. He's changed me and shown me how beautiful a relationship can be. I didn't mean to hurt you, Rosie. I just had to do it in my own time."

She hugs me tight and we stay like that for a few minutes. I look at Edward while I hold her and he smiles at me, proud that I am finally being honest with her. I know it was hard for him to keep this secret for me, especially when he was becoming such good friends with Rose and Emmett.

I pull back from the hug and get knocked back into Rose when Emmett engulfs us both from behind me. "Aww you guys…. I want in on the love too."

"Emmett, you're squishing us… can't breathe." He lets us go and chuckles, giving me a rather hard pat on the back. "Sorry Bro, but I wanted to let you know that I love you and am proud of you!"

Rose grabs me again, "Me too Jasper… even though you have been lying to me for ten years. I can understand why, but you better not do it again. I love you no matter who you are or choose to love. And you better not fuck this up, because Edward is a great guy!"

"Thanks Rose! And I have no intentions of messing anything up. I know how lucky I am to have him." Just then, I feel two warm arms wrap around my waist. Edward had snuck up on me and was now holding me against him.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one, babe" I just shake my head and turn to kiss him.

I hear Rose chuckling and look back to see Emmett pretending to gag himself. "Ok guys, enough of the mushy stuff. It's like a damn chick flick in here." We all laugh at him and make our way back to the other side of the bar.

"So, are you planning on telling our parents?" I look to Edward and wonder how he is going to take my answer. I want to be completely free, but I need more time before I tackle that hurdle. I shake my head and turn back to Rose.

"Not yet. I… I don't think I am ready for that." Edward squeezes my hand and I know he understands. "In time I'm sure I will, but I know they won't be so approving of me and Edward. I want to enjoy our relationship first before they can bring me down."

"Well we are in a different state across the country from them. They can't affect you here. So be yourself little brother, and take care of that man beside you."

Edward and I stand up, and I take his hand bringing it up to my lips and leaving a small kiss there. Looking into his eyes I say, "I will sis, I'm not letting him get away."

He smiles and pulls me into him. "I love you Jasper and I don't plan on going anywhere."

"I love you too Edward. Now let's get out of here, I'm taking you out on a date tonight."

**AN: So… this is the last chapter. I'll be posting an epilogue soon, but still sad that it's over :( Thanks for reading and reviewing! I didn't think I would ever write anything or that it would be good enough for others to enjoy. All your reviews and comments have been very uplifting and they are the reason I kept writing. So Thanks! **


	12. And if I shiver please give me a blanket

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

Epilogue Part 1 - And if I shiver, please give me a blanket

_3 Months Later_

EPOV

"Jasper, stop sucking face and get your ass on the stage!" He pulls away with a sexy smirk, winks, and then runs to the stage to start his set. I'm left breathless on my barstool and Rose giggles from behind me. Damn, that man is a good kisser.

I turn to the bar when I am calm again to talk to Rose. She is just standing there with a look on her face that I can't decipher. "What are you thinking about Rosie?" She shakes her head a bit to come out of her thoughts.

"Just how happy you two look together. I know I've said this before, but I'm so glad he found you. Jasper's a completely different person, so alive and fun… happy. I can't imagine how long my brother would have hidden who he really is if you had never come into his life."

"Yea, I know… trust me. But he's changed me too. I was so lonely and had all but given up hope that I would ever find someone and fall in love. There have been others that I grew comfortable with, but they were lacking the connection I craved. I have that with Jasper."

She just grins at me like a fool. "You guys are just perfect for each other."

I look back at my beautiful boy singing up on stage, a _genuine_ smile from ear to ear and love in his blue eyes "I couldn't agree more."

Since its Christmas Eve Jasper ends his set early so that we can celebrate the holiday together. There won't be much alone time tomorrow since his parents are in town. They flew in today and are staying a hotel closer to campus. They had lunch with Rose and Jasper, and decided to spend the rest of the day exploring the city. Tomorrow, we are all going to Rose's to spend time as a family and to have Christmas dinner.

He grabs my hand, yanking me off the stool, and drags me out of the bar laughing. "Jasper, why are you in such a hurry… we have the whole night to exchange gifts. They aren't going anywhere." He stops when we get to his apartment door and looks down sheepishly.

"Sorry babe, I'm just really excited about your gift." He opens the door and pulls me inside. "I've had it for a week now and it's been so hard to keep from you."

I grip Jaspers hand tighter and pull him to the couch. "Well you are going to have to wait just a bit longer, because I'm going first." I hid the gifts here about a week ago so I run to his hall closet and pull them out. When I come back his mouth is hanging open in shock, causing me to laugh.

"I… when… how long… you sneaky bugger. When did you put those there?"

I sit down and peck him on the cheek. "Last week when we took my car to go shopping I snuck them in with the bags we brought in. I hid them in the closet while you went out to the car to get the rest of the bags." He shakes his head and chuckles.

"Well, are you going to just hold them or do I get to open them at some point?"

"Alright, alright, you sound like a ten year old." I hand him the first one, wrapped in dark green wrapping with a red bow. He opens it slowly, like he is trying to savor the moment. For someone in such a hurry to open gifts he is sure taking his sweet time. Jasper finally gets to the box and takes the top off gasping when he sees a black leather cuff watch with musical notes engraved all over it.

"Wow, Edward… It's beautiful. Thank you!" Jasper says, strapping it to his wrist and setting it to the right time before eyeing the second gift in my lap. I laugh at him as I lean in for a quick kiss, leaving the gift in his lap when I pull away. It is pretty small and he looks at it questioningly.

Tearing the wrapping off, he sees a plain silver case. He looks at me with an eyebrow raised. "For the love of everything, would you open it already?" I'm slightly nervous about this gift, it took a lot of time to find one and work down the price.

He pops open the case and looks inside, his jaw drops and looks back and forth between me and his gift. His mouth opens and closes, but he can't seem to find any words. "Well, what do you think? Do you like it?"

He looks back up with watery eyes. "I fucking love it Edward. How did you even find something like this? I mean it's an 1862 Civil War Indian Headdress $1 Gold Coin of course I love it, this is amazing! I can't believe you did this. No one has ever bought me something that means so much. Thank you baby." He puts the coin down on the coffee table and attacks me with his lips.

After kissing me senseless he pulls back and hops up off the couch excitedly, "My turn!" Running to his bedroom, he returns with a gift bag and hands it to me. "This is part one." I take the tissue paper out and there is a strip of fabric left in the bottom. Picking it up, I realize it is a blindfold.

With an eyebrow raised and a smirk on my face I ask, "Were you hoping for some kinky holiday sex baby? I can only image what part two will be!" He just shakes his head and laughs.

"That's not what I bought it for, but you can bet your fine ass we'll use it for that too. Now stand up and hand it to me so I can put it on."

I stand up and wrap the fabric around his neck, using it to pull him to me and whispering in his ear, "Mmmm, I like it when you tell me what to do." He bites down on my shoulder and I yelp in surprise.

"You better stop it before I throw you down on the floor and take you right here before I can give you part two of your gift." Hmm, decisions… decisions. Jasper or gift part two? Sexy as fuck man of my dreams or mystery gift not in my field of vision? No contest… Jasper always wins.

I leave the fabric on his shoulders and pull him by his waist against my body, digging my erection into his hip. "Fuck Edward, I was kidding. Now stop fucking tempting me and stand back a little." He grabs the blindfold and ties it over my eyes before I can try again. He pulls me back into him and kisses up my neck, whispering into my ear, "Do you trust me?"

"Completely"

He kisses my cheek and takes me to the door to leave the apartment. I'm a little confused, but curious to see where he leads me. I can tell we leave the apartment complex and walk down the street away from campus, but I can't tell how far. We turn into another building. I wonder where we could be... the only other building this close to the bar are apartments and a grocery store. We come to a stop and he reaches back to take off the blindfold. When my eyes adjust to the light I see we are outside an apartment door and Jasper is holding up a key with a bow on it. He hands it to me and I look at him curiously.

"Jazz, why…" He stops my words with a kiss and says, "Just open the door babe."

I put the key into the lock and it fits. Jasper reaches past me and swings open the door. We walk in and I look over the place. It is much bigger than both our apartments and is barely furnished, just a couch and TV from what I can see so far. There is a note sitting on the couch with my name on it. Interesting!

Jasper nudges me towards the couch and I walk over to pick up the note, folding it open.

_Edward_

_Ever since you came into my life, I have felt alive again. I felt hope that I never had before, that I could be happy and be me. You are everything to me and I can't thank you enough for fighting for me when I pushed you away. I know it was tough and I'm sorry for what I put you through to get to where we are now. Now that I have you, I don't ever want to let you go. I want to spend every precious moment we have together, to go to sleep looking at your beautiful face every night and wake up in your safe warm eyes every morning. _

_Will you move in with me?_

_Love,_

_Jasper_

Oh my god, Is he serious? I turn around and see Jasper, eyes down cast and shuffling from one foot to the other. I walk to him and lift his head to look into his eyes, seeing how nervous and hopeful he is. Then he starts to ramble, "I just thought, since my lease is up this month and we practically spend all our time together as it is that it would make sense to move in together. If it's too soon, that's ok…"

I cut him off with a deep, passionate kiss hoping he can feel how excited I am. We are both gasping for air soon and I say, "Of course I'll move in with you! And is this the new place? I love it Jasper. This is amazing!" He pulls back excitedly and drags me by my hand around the apartment.

"Yea, I thought it would be the perfect place. It has three bedrooms and has a larger kitchen and living room than either of our apartments. It's still close to the bar and campus. I've already gotten a few essential things as you can see."

He leads me through the rooms. The first one is empty and kind of smaller. The second is bigger and already has some of his music playing equipment in it. He opens the door to the master bedroom and it's bigger than both rooms combined. There also happens to be a huge king size bed in the middle of the room.

I turn to him, eyebrow raised. "What? I told you I got the essentials," He says with a smirk, pulling me over to it. "You still got that blindfold?"

"Hell yea I do." I push him down on the bed, but before I can crawl on top of him he sits back up.

"Oh no you don't… you get to wear the blindfold." He stands back up and slowly pulls the blindfold from my pocket and walks around, stopping right behind me. Bringing the fabric up to my eyes, he gently ties it behind my head. Without my sight, my other senses are heightened and I start to notice new things.

I can hear his soft breathing behind me, so close it is ghosting over my neck. He leans in and gently presses his lips against the spot below my ear, sending shivers through my body. His hands grab my waist and he pulls me against him, grinding his dick into my ass. "Mmm do you see what having you at my mercy does to me baby? Now take your clothes off slowly."

I pull my shirt up over my head, mindful not to take the blindfold with it. I stretch my arms up high, making sure my back muscles stretch long for him. He groans causing me to smirk and I drag my pants and boxers down slowly, bending over to rubb my ass into Jasper. He growls, and when I kick my clothes away he nudges me forward, "Bed!"

"Yes, sir."

I crawl onto the bed, feeling my way to the top and turn over on my back. There is rustling next to the bed and I figure Jasper is taking his own clothes off. Suddenly I feel his breath on my face, "Don't move babe, I will be right back." Hmm, wonder where he is going. There is nothing in the apartment.

While I wait for him to return, I notice how soft the comforter is below me. I spread my legs apart feel it caress my skin like silk. I put my hands behind my head and relax into the bed. A few minutes later he walks back into the room, but he says nothing and crawls onto the bed between my legs.

He leans forward and kisses me slowly, tenderly. His fingers wrap gently around my neck to lift it a little, changing the angle of our kiss so he can dive in deeper. My body is buzzing and my dick is achingly hard, waiting for him to touch me… anywhere, but aside from his hand on my neck and his lips on mine, he is completely hovering over me.

I try to move my hands from behind my head, but Jasper stops kissing me and says, "Uh uh uh. Keep your hands there, you aren't allowed to touch me yet." I groan in frustration and he chuckles. "Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you." He kisses me once more and sits back up, leaning to the side and reaching for something. Hovering back over me, he starts to trail kisses down my neck and across my shoulder. How did his lips get so cold? They continue down slowly, and stop to kiss my nipple. The coolness feels good, but before I can do or say anything, his lips part and he circles it with a fucking ice cube.

My back arches and I scream "Fuck!" causing him to chuckle as he moves to my other nipple. "Oh God, ugh!" It feels incredible and it's over too soon when he pulls the ice back into his mouth and continues kissing across my stomach and hips. He bypasses my dick, causing me to whimper with need, and instead kisses and nips at my thighs and knees.

I'm a writhing mess by the time he pulls away and leans back to the side again, making a clinking sound with the ice I guess. The next second my dick is engulfed in his freezing mouth. You would think his mouth being cold would turn me off... wrong. My hips thrust off the bed and a loud string of profanities leaves my lips.

He uses his hands to hold me down and works his mouth up my shaft slowly, letting the cold cover every inch. It feels amazing and I can't stop my hands from digging into his hair and pulling it a little. He moans around me and it drives me fucking crazy. I can feel his mouth warming up and the change in temperature has me even further on edge.

When all the cold is gone, he lets me go and sits up. "Please Jasper, Fuck me… God I can't take anymore." He chuckles and covers my body with his. It's the most I have felt at one time, and I wrap my arms around his waist to keep him there.

He nuzzles into my neck and kisses up my shoulder to my ear, "You look so sexy blindfolded and begging me." I thrust my hips into him, trying to create some friction. He grinds back into me and grunts into my neck. "Ugh Edward, so fucking sexy."

He sits back up and leans to the side again, and I whimper thinking he is still going to tease me. But instead I hear a wrapper being torn and I get excited. "Lift your knees up baby." As soon as my feet are flat against the bed, he drops down on his stomach. His hands spread my cheeks apart and he leans forward.

When did he eat another ice cube? His tongue is fucking cold again and I scream when he plunges it into me. It doesn't take long for me to loosen up for him and I try to thrust back onto his amazing tongue. "Now Jasper, please… I'm ready!"

His tongue licks up over my balls and shaft, before his lips wrap around my dick again. I feel two lubed fingers press into me so he can make sure I'm loosened up. When did he get lube? He grazes my prostate and I thrust into his mouth. He moans when I hit the back of his throat and I just about loose it.

He stops sucking me and crawls back over me, his length finding my entrance. He kisses me and slowly starts to enter, still worried about hurting me. Not having any of this, I push him up a little by his shoulders and rip my blindfold off. Looking into his lust filled eyes, I can see his concern. My hand caresses his cheek and his eyes close before leaning into it. I pull him back down to me by his neck and whisper in his ear, "You won't hurt me baby, now please fuck me. I'm ready for that big cock of yours."

He moans into my neck and pushes all the way into me… hard. I groan loudly and he looks up at me, making sure I'm okay. I am more than okay, I'm fucking fantastic and I pull him into another kiss to let him know. He pulls out and thrusts back in with long hard strokes.

He reaches over and grabs another small ice cube, popping it into his mouth with out missing a beat and leans in to kiss me. The ice gets caught up in our tongues and contrasts beautifully with our hot mouths. Then the ice is gone, I explore the rest of his mouth trying to steal whatever cold is left.

All of a sudden, there is another ice cube on one of my nipples and I arch into him. When did he get the other ice cube? His cold lips and tongue travel to my ear and down my neck, kissing and licking me into oblivion. All the sensations push me to the edge, and Jasper picks up his pace, racing to get to his own release. When he bites down and sucks on my neck, I let go.

My head snaps back into the pillows and my eyes clamp shut. Jasper pushes up onto his hands and thrusts harder into me, making the orgasm even stronger. A loud groan leaves my body before I cum all over our stomachs. Jasper follows a few seconds later, screaming my name.

He falls on top of me and we both lay there until our breathing evens out, his lips caressing my neck and my nails scratching lightly up and down his back. He rolls off of me and walks to the bathroom, grabbing a towel. He cleans us both off and pulls the covers back so we can crawl into bed.

I curl up into his side with my head on his chest and his fingers play with my hair. "That was amazing, just… fucking amazing." He hums in agreement and pulls me in tighter, nuzzling my hair and mumbling his love for me.

I chuckle at his sleepy attempts, "I love you too Jasper." 

**AN: So, the epilogue decided it wanted to be longer :D and now it is going to be in two parts. Thanks to my beta DreamingPoet1988 for being awesome as always! And I have a new story posted, A Journey to Paris. It's a collab I did with DreamingPoet1988 for the Who Doesn't Love a Fairy Tale contest. Check it out and let us know what you think :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	13. Noone knows how to say that theyre sorry

Disclaimer - I own nothing... nada... zilch.

Epilogue Part 2 - And no one knows how to say that they're sorry

JPOV

Last night was incredible. I didn't intend for that to happen, but when he started talking about kinky holiday sex and looking hot in that blindfold, I couldn't help myself. We will definitely be doing that again… in _our_ bed, in _our_ new apartment.

I was worried that he thought we would be moving to fast, but he reassured me. Now the only thing I have to worry about is the rest of today. I wish I could just lay here with my boy in my arms forever, but with my parents in town we have to get our asses up and ready.

Edward rolls onto his back and I follow him onto my side. He looks beautiful in the morning glow, my angel. So peaceful, a smile lingering on his lips from the night we just shared. I lightly kiss him on his bicep and work my way up his arm and over his shoulder. He doesn't stir from his sleep, so I continue, lifting myself up enough to ghost my lips over his neck. He hums softly when I reach the spot below his ear, but doesn't wake.

I brush my lips over his eyelid, cheekbone, the corner of his mouth, and he finally starts to stir when I reach his jaw, slightly rough from missing a couple days of shaving. He turns his head to me, eyes still closed, but a smile gracing his lips. "Hmm… that's a nice way to wake up."

"Are you ready for today baby?" he asks. I've been asking myself that for the last week. If everything goes smoothly, I am telling my parents about Edward today. His eyes open and I stare into their deep green depths and find my answer. He is worth everything.

"Yea, I'm ready." I lean down to give him a quick kiss, but he is having none of that. His arm comes up and wraps around my neck pulling me down onto him. His other hand slides to my face and cups my cheek as he takes the kiss deeper. His warm tongue glides along mine and I groan when his hand fists in my hair, tugging slightly. I wrap my arms and legs around him, praying that he will never let me go.

Unfortunately, real life beckons and his phone rings. He chuckles when he hears me whimper at the loss of his lips, and reaches for the phone. "Hello?"

"No, Rose. We were just getting up. It's in the living room. He's doing okay; do you want to talk to him? Ok, we'll be there soon." He sets his phone back on the table and turns to me with a smile on his face. "You know if we don't get up, she's going to call again in twenty minutes."

I sigh, knowing he's right. She's more worried about today than I am. My worries about my parents are not without cause, and Rose knows how bigoted our father can be. She doesn't know I'm telling them, but at least I will be surrounded by people I love and who accept me. I don't think I could do this without them, without Edward.

He touches his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. "Everything will be okay babe… no matter what happens today. And I'm proud of you for doing this, being confident in who you are. It'll be hard but you'll be glad afterwards. To be completely free, no more secrets… it's relieving. It's worth it."

I know he's right, but I'm still scared shitless. He gives me a quick kiss and I catch him before he gets out of the bed. "_You're_ worth it, Edward. I know that I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you. I never understood what I was missing out on until you came along and showed me what living was like. I'm just glad you will be with me… I can't do this without you." That smile I love so much spreads across his face and he kisses me once more.

"Come on, Jazz. Let's get going before Rose calls again."

I laugh and smack him on the ass when he gets up. We try to get dressed quickly but I can't help but ogle him while he pulls on his clothes. He catches me staring and just smiles, wiggling his ass to tease me. We finally leave and take his car since it will be faster than walking.

I'm shaking by the time we are standing outside Rose's apartment door. Edward stops me before I can knock and pulls me into his arms, just holding me tightly. My face burrows into his neck, my arms wrap around his waist and I breathe in his earthy scent. It calms me down and gives me the courage I need to take this next step.

Pulling back I look at him and smile, "Thank you." He only smiles back and then gives me a sweet, chaste kiss. I knock on the door and let go of his hand just as it swings open.

_**Later that day**_

Things have been going smoothly so far. I introduced Edward to my parents as a friend of mine and Rose's who doesn't have any family to spend the holiday with. I decided last night to wait until after dinner to tell them. They did travel across the country to spend Christmas with us and I didn't want them to have wasted money if they freak out and leave early.

Edward has been amazing today. He gets along with my parents so well, and they have no idea he is gay. If I didn't know any different, he could pass as part of the family. That thought makes me smile but I push it aside to think about later.

I've been trying all damn day to keep my distance from Edward so my parents don't find out before I actually tell them. It's just so hard not to be near him, hold his hand, or even kiss him whenever the fuck I feel like it. I've grown comfortable being open with our relationship and it's hard to pretend again.

Most of the day has been spent opening a few gifts and catching up with my parents. We all watched _Elf _around lunchtime_, _a tradition we started when the movie came out. It was nice to all sit together laughing and having a good time. Edward would sneak glances at me during the movie and smile, letting me know that things were going well.

Right now he is sitting on the couch with Emmett and my father, all of them talking about football and waiting for dinner to be finished. I'm leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, my eyes on him, when my mom comes to stand beside me. She looks in the direction I've been staring at and my heart starts to beat wildly. Did she notice me watching him?

"Your father seems to like Edward. You know he is a sucker for a good discussion about football. I'll never understand it, honestly. But at least they aren't bored." She chuckles softly and I hold back my sigh of relief. "You two seem to be close."

Fuck… Fuck… Fuck… "Yea… um… I mean… he's a great friend." She raises an eyebrow at me and purses her lips.

"Well I'm just glad that you have friends now. You spent so much time these last few years alone, only spending time with Rose and Emmett. It wasn't healthy baby. But you've changed a lot since the last time we visited. You seem happier and…" She pauses looking back at Edward. "I'm glad."

Just then Rose calls from the kitchen, "Food's ready… Jasper can you set the table please?" I turn around and see her pulling a huge turkey out of the oven.

"Sure sis, but get that lazy ass husband of yours in here to help you. You don't need to be working so hard." She just waves me off saying she's fine and I laugh at her. Mama helps me set the table and Rose calls the rest of the guys to come eat.

My dad takes the head of the table and my mom sits opposite him. Rose and Emmett sit on one side of the table while Edward and I take the other. Mom says grace and I feel a tug on my heart when she includes Edward. Both my parents seem to like him and it only gives me hope that maybe things won't be so bad when I tell them.

Dinner went by smoothly enough. Every once in a while Edward would reach under the table and hold my hand or squeeze my thigh, giving me that reassurance that he was there for me.

We talked a lot about whether Rose should find out the sex of her baby. Emmett is all for it, but Rose kind of wants the surprise. Dad talks some more about football, and then at some point the conversation becomes about Edward. I'm a bit nervous that my parents will ask him questions that lead to his sexual preference but they don't seem concerned about it so I relax and enjoy dinner.

When everyone has finished eating their pumpkin pie and my father sighs in satisfaction of a good meal, my heart starts to speed up. It's time… I'm finally going to tell my parents that I'm gay and in love with the man beside me. It almost doesn't seem real, but then I feel Edward gripping my hand and I look at him.

His eyes are caring and full of love. I easily get lost in them and forget about everything around us. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only that I have my angel beside me always. I smile at him and then look away, catching my mother's eye. She looks back and forth between me and Edward curiously and I speak up.

"Mama, Dad. There is something I wanted to tell you." They both look at me wondering what kind of news I would have. Rose's eyes go wide with realization. I didn't let her know when I was going to tell my parents. She and Emmett just stare at me in shock and I smile nervously.

"What is it, Jasper?" My father asks when I take too long to speak up again. I glance back and forth between him and my mother, before looking at Edward. His eyes lock on mine and I find my strength in them. Not looking away from him I continue.

"I'm gay and I'm in love with Edward."

My angel flashes that favorite smile of mine and relief washes over me. I close my eyes taking in this moment before I look at the damage I have done.

I face my mother first and cringe when I see her panicked look… in my father's direction. I glance at him and his eyes are squeezed shut, his nostrils flaring. Oh shit, he's pissed. I look at Rose frantically and her eyes seem sad. Emmett seems to be on the defensive, I guess preparing to break up any fight that might ensue.

Then suddenly my father scoots his chair back from the table, and stands up. He doesn't look at me as he says, "Come on dear." Only moving when my mom stands up. She looks at me with concern in her eyes and I can't help the tear that falls down my cheek. "We are leaving, NOW!" Dad emphasizes and she goes to grab her things, not saying a word as they both leave.

I turn and fall into Edward's arms, letting the tears fall. He holds me tight, whispering his love to me. I hear Rose sniffling but she doesn't say anything. I beg Edward to take me home and just as we get up to leave, Rose stands up saying "Wait, Jasper." She runs around the table and hugs me. "I'm so sorry. I know you were afraid of this turning out badly. I have no idea what this all means but I want you to know that no matter what, you will always have mine and Emmett's support. We love you."

"Thank you Rose. I know that I still have you guys. It just hurts to be rejected by mama and dad. I think what is worse is they didn't even say anything. They just left." She nods in understanding and I remember the table is still covered in food.

"God Rose, I'm sorry. We were just going to take off and leave all this mess for you to clean up." She laughs at me in disbelief.

"Don't worry about it. Emmett can take care of it. I cook… he cleans." Emmett grumbles from the other side of the table and I can't help but chuckle a little at his expense. "You just get out of here and let that man of yours take care of you." Just then two arms wrap around me and I close my eyes, enjoying his strong embrace.

"Okay Rose. We'll come over tomorrow then." I pull away from Edward and hug her again, thanking her for dinner. We head to my old apartment after that and exhaustion hits me as I walk through the door. I go straight to bed and Edward follows, no words are spoken as we strip to our boxers and climb in.

My thoughts keep flashing back and forth between my father's angry face and my mothers look of concern. I can't believe he couldn't even look at me. I'm his son for fuck's sake. Lying on our sides, Edward pulls my back into his chest and wraps his arms around my waist. He holds me tighter when I start to cry again and places soft kisses on my shoulder and neck.

I try to focus on Edward and all the good things I have in my life. I can't let them bring me down. I've worked so hard to be where I am now, comfortable with who I am and free to live my life. Fuck... but they are my parents and they mean so much to me.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Edward whispers in my ear, "I love you Jasper, always." I turn in his arms and look into his eyes. He's been crying too and I hadn't even noticed. I wipe the wet off his cheeks and kiss him softly.

I realize then that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I've spent my whole life afraid of others opinions, when that is all that they are. They aren't my opinions and shouldn't be shaping my life.

All I need is right here in front of me. Edward is my strength, my hope, my life. He helped me believe in myself again. As long as I have him, everything will be okay.

"I love you too Edward, always."

We kiss again but are interrupted by a frantic knock on the door. He raises an eyebrow curiously and I shrug, getting up to put some sleeping pants on and answer the door.

I don't expect to see my mother on the other side. She looks like she has been crying and she throws herself at me. "Mama?" She doesn't answer and I just hold her tightly not know what to expect. She doesn't let go for a bit and Edward comes out of the bedroom to see what's taking so long.

He smiles when he recognizes my mother. She hears him approaching and looks up. "Hello, again, Mrs. Whitlock. I'll give you and Jasper some privacy." But before he can make it back to the room she stops him.

"No Edward, its fine. I won't be long anyways." She pulls me into the living room and we sit down on the couch, Edward sitting beside me after a few moments.

"Jasper, baby, I couldn't leave things the way they were. I was just afraid something bad would happen if your father didn't leave. I'm so sorry for reacting the way I did. To be honest, I'm not really all that shocked. You've never mentioned any girls in your life before and I notice the way you look at Edward, but your dad is having a hard time. I'm not going to go into details though."

"It's okay mama. I was expecting this. Actually I was expecting worse." She shakes off my comment and continues.

"No Jasper, I'm your mother. I should have been more supportive. That's why I came back. I wanted to let you know that I love you… no matter who _you_ love. I've never seen you happier. I don't really know how bad it's been, only what I get from talking to Rose. All I care about is that you are happy and healthy; the rest is your life. So live it the way you want to, with whomever you want. Although, I suggest keeping this one here… he's a looker."

She smiles slyly and nudges my side with her elbow. I grumble, embarrassed, "Mom" but she just chuckles and Edward squeezes my shoulder.

"Oh shush." She takes my hands in hers and we look into each others' eyes. "No matter what you father says or does, I want you to know I love you and support you." My heart swells and I pull her into another hug.

"I love you too mama. Thank you." I feel her reach out and grab Edward, including him in our hug.

She pulls back and continues. "Good, now I need to get back to your father. Don't worry too much about him. I know he loves you, he just needs to get past all the close-minded thinking he inherited from your grandpa."

She stands up and Edward follows her to the door, opening it for her. She turns back to me. "Be happy baby. That's all I want for you." I nod my head at her and she smiles, turning to Edward. "Take care of my boy over there. He's got it pretty bad for you."

He chuckles and says, "Yes ma'am," before closing the door behind her. I get up and walk over to stand in front of him.

"So… you've got it pretty bad for me huh?" I laugh and shove him playfully.

"You bet your fine ass I do." I pull him closer to me and squeeze his butt cheeks to emphasize my point. We make our way back to the room teasing each other and fall into bed tangled up in each other.

I know that things between me and my father may be ruined forever but I have hope that one day he will be able to love me for me. I thought I needed his approval, all their approvals, but I don't. All I need is my angel right here beside me.

The End

AN: Let me know what you think... I'm sad it's over :( There will be some outtakes eventually though so keep it on alert so you'll know when I update. Thanks so much for all the great reviews I've been getting... I wasn't sure about this in the beginning but you guys have been amazingly supportive and probably wouldn't have done it without you! Big thanks goes out to my beta DreamingPoet1988... I don't know what I would do without her. Make sure to go check out her page... she has some really great stories!

Also, if you happen to like Sam/Jacob stories I started one recently. Check it out and let me know what you think.


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